What Is The UGLY TRUTH, Anyway? Cont'd

So what is the Ugly Truth anyway?
All those dating myths and rules,the movies and books are unrelenting and I have chosen to continue my exploration into this dilemma.

If you have not read my first entry on this topic, (under the same title Advice 1-4), no matter really. You can go back and read it now or later.
If you are out there in the dating/ social scene it might be helpful to you or perhaps just a bit entertaining.

Like all women I think each day I feel a little differently about things and how I want to present myself to the opposite sex both in the work place and in social situations.

I have to say that one of the most important pieces of advice I can give is:

5) Don't be the wall flower.
Though the quiet wall flower type will attract some men, it just isn't any fun being the quiet one in the corner at the party, is it?

I don't know if I was born with it, sometimes I think that I was, but I have always been a little flirty at least.Not just in the way I dress though that is inevitably a part of it, but also in my demeanor.

Now, don't get me wrong, I did go through many years of uncomfortable awkward shyness. Until finally I was encouraged to come out of my shell by female friends and male friends alike who felt that I was in some ways cute and attractive. I do also have to give credit to my older brother who adored me and encouraged me to join in his parties putting me in the center of the circle of attention as he introduced me as both smart and beautiful.
Amazingly people believed him though I did not.

And so it went that I changed from the shy,inhibited girl to the fun, flirty person I perceive myself to be today.
WHY NOT !? ;-)

When you look around there are certainly ALWAYS women who are more attractive and there are men who appear too delicious to approach. But talk to some of these people and you will find that they are equally as insecure as you are and lovely wonderful people or in some cases that these people are in some ways all about their looks.

All in all no matter how you "think" you look, step forward out of the shadows and make yourself noticeable. SMILE... Listen and speak up when you feel so inclined.

Does this all sound waaaaay toooo oversimplified ???

Think again. Some people think that just by showing up in a crowd they will be swept off their feet by their perfect mate.
And, oh,yes, just go out to have a good time NOT with the intent to meet a mate.

Always, always BE A LITTLE FLIRTY... Talk to someone, look into his/her eyes, really listen to what he/she saying. Look further then the words into the Soul and their Spirit.

Everyone you meet has a story and more then likely it is a story that you can learn from and/or perhaps relate to. So don't just try to act "Kool."
Talk but not a lot. Listen.
Relax.
Take a BREATH.
Believe that you are UNIQUE, because YOU ARE !
And move into the social scene with a little burst of enthusiasm...
BE SASSY.
Be a little flirty !
But

6) Don't be too sexually aggressive.
We have all seen women in clubs who dress so provocatively that they are half out of their clothes.
Or the women sitting at the bar who hand over their bras and panties to the bartenders who by the way are the "rock stars" of a good club and often the reason women hang around the bar luring customers to buy them one drink after another. It is all part of the business. Get the women to sit at the bar and the men will follow.
The same principal as "If you build it they will come."

And come they do to the women who act provocatively, even overly sexually aggressive. Men who are drawn in will take you home for the night but they will toss you away in no time. So let me clarify... If you are looking for that one night of fun and frolic, go for it. But if you are going out to have a good time and to meet people of like mind and Spirit, then dress stylishly, dress comfortably for you whatever that is, dress in something that makes you feel confident and outgoing. Show a little skin,but be careful how much you give.

Put your hand on his or her arm or knee but keep it off her breast, or his crotch!

Rejection at this point is uncomfortable for both of you.
Sooner or later there will be a night when you are either the giver or receiver of this type of behavior. At this point you will sometime later either laugh about it or be embarrassed by it or perhaps both.

Just remember, sexual aggression is definitely appropriate in the right place and at the right time. But as the line goes: "GET A ROOM" if you are over come with lust and desire in a public place. PDA's (Public displays of affection) can be HOT... but don't over do it, making everyone else around you uncomfortable.

7) Men love being funny and enjoy when you laugh at their jokes,but women should not be as funny or laugh too loudly.

OK, OK, I hate to admit this one is, in my experience, very true because it goes back to cave man days I think, and seems very chauvinistic. The thing is though I have found it to be true. Men seem to prefer being the limelight. In fact they are somewhat threatened by the woman getting all the attention. Not at first perhaps but as time goes by the funnier, better looking, better dressed woman becomes a drain on the male ego. Men have to have the WOW factor perpetuated in their relationships.(More on the 'WOW' Factor later.) They have to know that they are best, and this includes the funniest!
So laugh at his jokes. Laugh long and hard but not too, too loud. When others are around allow the man to be the center of attention and he will find you all the more attractive for it.

Here's another antiquated piece of advice that is obviously not subscribed to by the Governor of California and his wife.

8) If you have to talk about politics keep an open mind and keep your mouth shut.

Disagreeing politically with someone always seems to get heated and uncomfortable in just a short period of time and ruins any connection between the two of you off track.
Now, to be clear, I am not saying that you should not have a different point of view, I am merely saying don't flaunt it.

Since most men are highly competitive in nature they see argumentative discussions not as an exchange of ideas but as a competitive sport.Since they have a very strong NEED to win in order to feel good about themselves they poise themselves strategically in political and sometimes religious discussions and losing such a situation, pinning his back to the wall, or yours, will make things extremely uncomfortable.

I once spent a great time and night with a very attractive man with whom the chemistry was intense... until I made the mistake of bringing up a presidential candidate whom he opposed. Not only did I sense that his ego was deflated but any further foreplay went limp, so to speak. ;-)

Enjoy the company of a man with opposing political views, but never, never have THAT conversation with him. It changes the chemistry completely and depending on the personalities of you and that man, it can totally ruin your relationship.

More on the "WOW" Factor I mentioned above next time
.
In the meantime, Get out there and NJOY !

Time Away

I finally got my laptop a new battery.
Wish I had a new one, but can't do that right now.
If you enjoy my blog perhaps you have the ability to purchase a new APPLE laptop and send it my way ? ;-)
If not, thanks anyway. Will write here again as soon as I get situated in my new digs.

Thanks for your patience while I've been away.

Statement of Fact Re: Blogs and Blogggers

As a blogger I have agreed not to click on the ads on my page, and not to overtly encourage readers to click on and read the ads that appear next to and under my posts.

This is just a statement of fact for those of you who don't know, as I didn't, how this earning money thing works.

First off I write and post to my blog.
I do this because it is my passion, well, one of them,,, and I sincerely love what I do.
Income to me is not generated by my posts, not by the number of readers, the quality of the writing, nor how much I write.
It is not the Dickinson income per word,or, was it page, for him?

Income to me is solely generated as I understand it, by the number of times ads are clicked on and read by the blog reader.
It does not matter if the reader purchases the product, or service...it matters only that he take advantage of the commercial advertisement and reads it.
When this happens a cent or two is generated to the BLOG writer.
So far since my postings began I have generated a whooping 24 cents or so.
Approximately 8 cents per month.!

I am beyond ecstatic over this income.
If more readers click on ads I will be able at the end of this year to buy a sandwich from McDonalds' or Burger King's or Jack IN The Box's or Wendy's dollar menu !!!

Now I DID promised to be honest and keep my readers entertained and informed.

I hope that you appreciate my candor, and keep this statement of fact in mind when reading my blog posts.

It is, after all, just a statement of fact.

9-11 LET US NOT FORGET

In memory of all those who lost their lives on September 11th, 2001...
and to all those who survived.

I wrote this a few days after that catastrophic event in American history, when I could no longer cry.





I AM A NEW YORKER


I AM A NEW YORKER.

I may not live there now but I was born there.

I AM A NEW YORKER.

I slept as a child to its
streets humming with traffic,
to the clink of the token into the el train turn style.
I heard
Its subways screech
Its cash registers buzz
its church bells ring
Its ferries signal their going out and their coming in

I AM A NEW YORKER.

I looked up at
its neon lights,
its peoples’ worn, determined faces
it trees,
its great Lady in the Harbor,
its skyscrapers standing strong and eminent,
its pigeons perched,
its museums filled with inspiration,
Its theaters filled with tears, and laughter and music and dance
its shop windows filled with magic and promise and wishes.

I AM A NEW YORKER.

I smelled its smoke,
its hot dogs and pretzels,
its chestnuts and gyros,
its pizza and egg rolls,
ts briny river water,
Its factory pollution,
the urine in its stairway corners,
its warm musty subway stations at once both repulsive and comforting.

I AM A NEW YORKER.

I hear its calls now.
I am glued to the news of this nightmare.
With one objective eye I try to make sense of it,
while the other eye is blinded by my tears.
I see it, and I take it in
I see it and I cannot bear to take it in.

I AM A NEW YORKER.

I look at a black smoky abyss in the middle of MY City and my body feels beaten in
Like that empty pit when your lover has left you.
That empty pit that cannot be filled with tears or hugs or reassurances.
I contemplate what may never feel real to me.
I am violated.
As if someone burned down my home with my family in it and I had to watch .
And there was nothing I could do


They lost there lives there.
People just like my self.
People who worked hard everyday to do the right thing,
To kiss their families hello and goodbye,
To pay their bills and hope for something left over for that special celebration.
People who came home every night tired and worn
But who set aside a smile for their husband or wife, or mother ,or dad, or daughter, or son,or lover, or friend.
And then got up the next day and did the same all over again so they could go on making their list of dreams.

I AM A NEW YORKER.

I knew them all so well.
The ones that could not run,or seeing the hopelessness of it,the ones that chose not to try.
The ones who lost there lives there
The heroic firemen,police, and so many more.
They died there.
While I watched,
They died.

I AM A NEW YORKER.

The strength of my city could not save them.
I hear,
I see,
I smell,
I taste,
I feel,
Oh how I feel the pain !

I AM A NEW YORKER.

I AM A CITIZEN OF THAT CITY,
OF THIS GREAT COUNTRY,
OF THIS TROUBLED WORLD.

AND YOU ARE SO WITH ME.
LET US NOT FORGET
9-11- 2001
Let US remember together
As I AM you are,
As you are I AM.



Written by Maria Kelly (copyright)
September 17,2001

True ADULT CONTENT

I had originally intended to continue with the Ugly Truth topic, or perhaps to share some stories of Ghosts of Lovers past... but I find myself this week preoccupied with a more intense ruminations in my brain.
So here I go putting my heart out on my sleeve in a way. Without too many particulars. Here's the thing... This blog is ADULT CONTENT, right? Well you can't get more Adult Content then when you speak of feelings, heart felt emotions.
Now that is scary shit!
There are a million things written about love. I have already mentioned somewhere here my favorite... "Love does not exist...Only demonstrations of Love... " Cocteau.
I have come to truly believe this. You and I, whoever and wherever you are, have all heard the WORDS and then have had someone the object of our affections FAIL TO FOLLOW THROUGH.
In fact sometimes they not only fail to follow through they go above and beyond the point of disappointing behavior everything from not listening, not responding, not being there, not being considerate, compassionate, understanding or rational.
In my case, in my past, when I picked "winner" mates they were either addicts or had serious and I mean serious social/mental issues. I have been classically co-dependent.
Now suffice it to say that I am a woman and have my own issues that I have needed to confront and grow from in the past.
I was by no means perfect.But I was never MEAN. I was never UNFAITHFUL when in a committed relationship and I was never violent,well except when I was defending myself from my spouse who was a lot larger in stature and a lot stronger.
I confess to believing that I could change the person I married. To being so immature in understanding that you can't fall in love with the ideal man in your head and then project that image on to the man you have chosen who is is a couple of words... "the bad boy."
But I am wiser now.
At one time I was proud that I was a virgin until I was 20. That I had until I relocated to Arizona 19 years ago only slept with three men...two of them my husbands.
Then I was I proud that I had slept with more men then I could count on one and,ahh,,two hands,,, umm two hand and toes...well, you get it! I made up for my naivete and inexperience in a fit of angry,,,, a "a somehow I'll get even approach" and "I'll find out what this is all about..I'll find out why a man can do it," I'll be the one who steps away rather then the one who is abandoned, at least abandoned mentally,Spiritually ...left to feel inadequate,never enough, always just average, if that.
So why this confession to you now?
Because Love is adult content!
I am in the midst of realizing that in all these years I have rarely met and dated, and given myself physically to a man who I totally respected. I thought I had. But life is new every day and I have by the most unusual circumstance in the most unusual place met a man who is definitely growing on me as I grow...
Yep still,even now,I find myself growing in understanding of Self and the capability to open oneself up,to be vulnerable and to still feel SAFE.
If you understand what I am saying then you have been fortunate, because you have found a real and profound love. For me there has always been a fulfillment in the getting to know and knowing the other person, but there has been a true disconnect when it came to that first and most important of all things in love:Respect,Trust,a blossoming friendship of depth and the wonder of quality of another person's values and Spirit,first before the sexual... It scares me beyond belief...and feels both intriguing and more stimulating then physical foreplay.
I know I am being very general here and you very much want all the juicy details of who,what, why,where, how.
I apologize.
I have had a deep relationship in the past with a world famous Rock Star and would protect him because of his fame and notoriety. Yet now this "everyday man" who is the object of my affection from afar is the one I choose to keep privately in my heart for now. If and when our friendship becomes more I will share more.
For now,I can only say that I am enamoured for a man who first caught my eye, then kept my interest through his personality and has begun to steal my heart because of the depth of his Spirit.

If this friendship stays a friendship and deepens only in that, I will be blessed beyond my wildest dreams.
If the friendship has a capacity to grow into a physical bond as well, my words will be gushing off these pages, and my heart will be filled beyond description.

I didn't think that I believed in love anymore. I was always in control...out of fear...out of past hurts. Now I find myself sitting across from a man whose eyes like the ocean lift all my trouble and worries,,, make me feel completely serene, and believing in my Self and all I can be just because of the way he looks at me.
My friends, some, at least, think I will be hurt. And God knows risking love can always bring hurt. It is a matter of weighing the risk, and my Spirit as much as my heart have already weighed in on this, my Ocean man. In the middle of the desert, in a hot, hot, summer I have come to realize that what is important to me is Joy and Purity of Spirit that which he shares with me.
And as I delight in this fantasy that has already moved toward something I never dreamed, I know this:
"Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable
fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols
called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible
language of the heart." - Martin Luther King Jr.

And that my friends is about as ADULT in content as you can get... and it has nothing to do with sex!...Life is so GOOD!

What Is The UGLY TRUTH, Anyway?

I admit I have borrowed this "Ugly Truth" phrase from a recent romantic comedy movie that I have not yet seen. I watched the movie trailers with interest. I think every woman has her own idea about what it is that men are really like, and what they like and look for in a woman.

My purpose though has always been to empower women to be true to SELF and to do what feels good,whatever is fulfilling,satisfying to them.
Besides these myths,rules, standards go on ad nauseum ... and really continue to proliferate through the media circus on the tabloids at the check out counter in grocery stores.

We really do need to sort some of this stuff through and get our thinking straight.

That said, in my own personal experience, I have come to believe some of the gender urban myths or truths, depending on how you look at it, that were set forth in this movie and whispered from mother to daughter, sister to sister, friend to friend through out history.

Let's begin with the most obvious:

1) Men like women whose body type appeals to them.

Now most people would say that you have to be thinner to appear pleasing to a man.
However, I have seen as you have, I am sure, men who are with heavier women whose beauty is more Botticelli then Mondrian.
Fuller figures sometimes turn a man on.
I have to admit when a man points out my larger bum I am not altogether flattered as I have been brainwashed that no one would love me unless I was thin and fit. My mother often pointed out that my TWIGGY-like figure in my 20's was a good thing though the boys in my neighborhood often told me to eat more pasta so they would have something to hold on to.

I can't say that I have ever been happy with the way I look. For the most part I think that some days I look OK, other days I'm hopelessly unattractive, and some days I believe, if I just exude confidence, and keep smiling, and flirt in the way I have learned to love to flirt, I can go home with just about any one... well, especially if he has had a drink or two.

Recently a physical trainer who was very fit,told me he liked my big boobs and big butt. I'm not
sure he was all that sincere, but I have found that Black men, and some Italian men seem to appreciate my thickness and ample features.
In my defense I can honestly say that once I am body to body with a man, he is not disappointed. I just happen to enjoy sex, but of course that's one of the reasons I chose to write this blog.

Point is: Don't worry about your size!. There are men out there who will want you. Not every man wants a TROPHY.
But the Ugly Truth Is that sometimes you will not always be the desired body shape of the man YOU are attracted to.

Let him go.

There is someone else waiting for YOU just the way YOU are.

Oh yeah and as far as the waist to hip ratio and golden formula for symmetrical facial features,,, these are proven facts through varying cultures... Fortunately though not too many perfect ratios and symmetrical features exist, and as far as I have heard most world cultures are all still reproducing. SO no need for concern.

2)Men like longer hair ... so they have something to grab on to. ...eh hem...
Yeah I want something I can grab too, and have settled just a few times for a deficit,,, and I'm not talking about hair.!

I do think that most men if surveyed would prefer a shoulder length or longer hairdo... but then so would they prefer or at least as proven over and over, stop to assist a blond and/or a redhead over a brunette. It is what it is.

I am a brunette. I did go blond once, much to my daughters' chagrin and looking back at the pictures I was a bit brash looking,but I did get a lot more attention as a blond and I did have more fun.

Now, with a best friend who is a natural redhead, I often endure the "overlook" as men walk over me without notice to get to her. She is in all ways lovely, and is more petite then myself, also a plus to men. To be quite frank, she, being from the Midwest and, myself,from New York City the contrast in personalities is stark. She seems almost always nice, and sometimes overly polite, where I, in true New York City fashion, tell it like I see it, and don't take any shit without giving it right back.

But back to the subject of hair, length and color these factors do seem to attract men but does that keep a man?
There are men who get turned on by the "butch" look, the Demi More in GI Jane image.

So once again I have to advise... Do to your hair in whatever way it makes YOU feel more attractive.

If purple hair shaved on one side is your gig, then go there. Some guy is looking just for you.

3) Men prefer women who wear heels with polished toes and the higher the heels the better.Some prefer closed toes, others prefer the sassy, strappy sandal type.
Stripper shoes, with seven inch clear heels, are,of course, erotica at its best to a man.

Sorry but I do believe there is no arguing this one.
Even shorter men, who seem to always have some sort of "issues" ..Napoleon or otherwise... like heels.

Wear only heels to bed, and a man will be putty in your hands... OOPS! Bad analogy not putty!! ... rock hard in your hands,,, and wherever else you put it.

4) And on the subject of low cut tops and ample breasts: Whatever you've got show them off a bit, subtly or overtly men are just freaking fascinated with BOOBS, TITS... whatever else they might call them... they are ridiculous about it!

A man will talk to your chest, suckle at it for hours, and have the need to touch and fondle it whenever there is no one looking or even sometimes when someone is. It is just the most inexplicable thing to me that men find this part of a woman's anatomy so fascinating.
Having worked in an AIDS clinic with gay patients and co workers I can tell you that even gay men will admire ( if from a distance) a woman's breasts.
Cross dressers and transvestites spend hours on choosing the appropriate undergarments to make their breasts look supple and perky.

And so it is... Whether small or large,,, and I mean small and I mean LARGE, men just can't seem to get enough of boobs..even if they proclaim themselves to be "ass" men.

Nope, in my opinion, they are lookin' and they are talkin' and they are lookin' again...
I have more then once reminded a man that my eyes were on my face so that they would stop staring at my chest. But I do love it... Why?

Before my children were born, I was a a smaller woman, I was thin and I was a 32 A.
Although I did not breast feed, my size grew during pregnancy and never went down. With my first daughter I became a 34 C and with my second a 36 DD which then went back to a 36D.
I can tell you that I walked around in NYC in the winter with my coat open when I realized the attention this new growth of my chest was getting from male friends and total strangers alike.

My second husband talked of my breasts as if they had their own persona.
And quite honestly the attention they received from him had me cum every time without penetration or other foreplay. Sensitive nipples are a plus and any man I have spent any time with has come to learn, some really astute men rather quickly, that if you touch my left nipple I am "yours", and I am lovin' it.! ;-)

So wear that cleavage... push those puppies up,,, make "the girls" happy and you will be happy too if you want any man's attention.

Now on this issue I cannot speak for lesbians. My lesbian daughter hasn't weighed in on this,but my lesbian friends seem, too,to appreciate the beautiful roundness of a woman's figure.

Let's face it... unless "DAVID"like, the male body is nowhere near as pleasing to look at as a woman's body. The "god like" man may have wash board abs,V physique, chiseled face,tight buns,muscular arms and legs with a great penis, and that certainly is a GIFT.!
But the average man's body has a way to go before it meets the pleasantry of the average woman's body.

If there is a God and if he made Adam and Eve, he saved perfection for the second of his creations. Even God needed to practice a bit first before getting out the better version.

To be continued....

LOVE and OTHER ODDITIES

I have been silent a bit.
Processing some feelings.... no, really. I find myself having to admit that my passive/aggressive interest in a fantasy man is keeping me thinking.
If you are a follower please grant me this moment while I figure out if the download in my brain is worth describing to you in detail.
I will tell you this for now.
I have never believed in love at first sight or at least never had that experience... strong attraction, yes... So this strong attraction has lasted over a year, and I, now, devoid of and getting bored of the same 'ole scene am looking into being honest with myself, if that is possible while still fantasizing about someone.
I have no shame in this feeling,,, even my openness about it. But it is a puzzlement to me and is sometimes uncomfortable or, perhaps, unfamiliar is the thing.
At any age, at any time can we fall in love ? Having been there, done that... can it still feel new?.. but amazingly and inexplicitly different in a good way. Better because I know myself,now, and have faith in myself that no matter what happens, I will be OK because I always have been.
Life/ Love is a PUZZLEMENT.
Thank you in advance for your patience while I see if this fantasy will become a reality at least in brief... and perhaps more importantly if I will allow it to.
Perhaps this is the time when, whatever happens, I question...
DO I have the Brain, the Heart and the COURAGE to jump and fall one more time?
Hmmmm. Even writing it seems foolish. Am I too far gone for foolish?
LIFE IS GOOD ! In the meantime enjoy the thought provoking read on another very different topic below.

Here's a link to a BLOG also worth reading.

Another Aside.... If you have questioned the VICK /Pitbull controversy. Read the following powerful and thought provoking blog.

http://sagejessica.wordpress.com/2009/08/20/i-wanna-be-like-mike-why-pitbulls-and-african-american-felons-deserve-michael-vicks-second-chance/

Pleased and Pleasured

I kissed you first softly then with more passion and moved my lips down your strong hard chest.
Your eyes closed as my fingers began to caress you.
As I kissed your thighs I saw you look at me, anticipating what you knew would delight you.
The pleasure of my tongue on you brought a gentle moan.
With that sweet sound I moved to take you in, sucking softly at first,
as you became harder in my mouth.
I began to take you in more deeply, letting go and then taking you back,
In and out, as my tongue teased you.
For a while I forgot myself , lusting for you, I sucked harder.
I heard you say my name.
I stopped for a moment to look up at you.
You were watching me.
I could see your adoring face in the soft light of the night.
My mouth was wet against you.
You were hard and hot.
I was slow but steady,
gentle, but relentless.
I played with you with my tongue always taking you in and out
Deeper, longer, harder, following your rhythm
Feeling your sensation grow.
Slowly,at first, then with more force you began to pulsate in the warmth moisture of my mouth
My lips pressing,
My tongue teasing,
As I sucked you in I felt my body flush.
Then in an instant you moved to give me what I was after.
You filled my mouth.
As I swallowed, I felt the warm moisture of my own satisfaction.
I held you there still in my mouth just for a moment.
Listening to your mellowing sighs.
Pleased and pleasured you lay there,spent.
While I once again kissed your thighs
And saw your handsome face glowing in the peacefulness of that moment.
You reached for me to move my face to yours,
And held me tightly.
"I love you." you whispered.
And we clung to each other like two children.
Each of us completely satisfied and filled with the joy of another magical moment.

SEX, LIES and ?

Apparently I pissed a few men off with that last post. Ahh well, just reporting it as I hear it, see it. LOL. Being Honest.
What ever happened to honesty any way.?

Yes, I know I told you I lie about my age and my weight. And I do.
So this is somewhat hypocritical I suppose.
But really, it is not so much that I meet men who lie to me as men who lie to themselves.
They believe that they are exceptionally handsome, exceptionally intelligent, and exceptional lovers. They look in the mirror and see that, BELIEVE IT.
And within one conversation they can give themselves away.
On a first date with a man he told me he was not married. Later he told me he was separated, then he told me he was separated but still living with his wife, then ..well you can guess the rest.. Men who are "separated but living with "of course never have sex any more but stay together for the kids or for some ailing relative whose heart they would break if they split up.

Give me a BREAK !

Are there really people out there that believe that someone will fall for their stories..?

Tales of money ... oops, well no,,, money lost,,, or the BIG Business Deal , the SHIP that never comes in. They put their wealth or imagined wealth out there in the first conversation, or they name drop or they mention how close they are to their ailing parents, and kids of course, and needy ex's and how self sacrificing.
They talk about being abandoned sexually by their wifes, or spin a tale about how she became a lesbian.
I really do wish that years ago I had set up my idea for a website to check with ex's about their ex's. I wanted to call it the "EX Files "and have people register their ex's names along with pertinent information for the next man or woman to be aware of.
I certainly would have been saved some time and emotional distress if I had been able to talk to some ex's BEFORE I dated their former lovers, boyfriends, husbands.

I'm sure men would find such information helpful as well.
Now I know their is a similar website but not in quite the same form or finesse as I would have set up mine.

Why? Just to save us all some grief from the dishonesty.

Who do we think we are lying to any way and what for?

In time it always ALL comes out and when it does there is no basis for a relationship or even a friendship. You can't be a real friend and be dishonest.
What's the point?

Some day I will write down all the lies, or exaggerations I have been told on first meetings, and /or dates with men.

But I do have to be honest, on one particular night here in Phoenix my BFF and I decided to go to a different club then the one we normally frequent and check it out. No one knew us there and so we decided out of boredom to pretend we were something other then our true selves.

Have you ever done that.?

I don't remember it all too clearly now but I think we decided to tell new acquaintances that we were exotic dancers..you know, named "Misty" and "Bambi." lol
Sometimes the nights in Phoenix can get very dull.

Next time I think I'll chat up having a fortune. That seems to be even more popular in this depressed economy. How depressing...
I'll try it as a social experiment. I'll let a few people in on it and have them assist to get the rumor around the club that I have hidden wealth.
Betcha' I get more then one dinner invitation that night. Not just a promise for a booty call but for a real, "I'm willing to spend a little money on you" date.

Do I sound a bit jaded or just realistic to you?

The thing is though, I have this conflict about being true to my self and doing the right thing.

I can pretty much hear a lie as it comes out of a man's mouth. So why would I lower myself to play that game.... I don't know. Maybe it's because I have worked in professions all my life where reading peoples feelings and not necessarily their words meant succeeding or not.
Social experiments like books and movies that have great character development intrigue me.
Human nature intrigues me.

Sex, lies, and ?
So much of the time it is more about lies to get to the sex.

Now here's a another social experiment I would like to see. Just walk up to the person you are interested in, skip all the small talk and just come out with..."Hey, I'd like to fuck you."
You don't see or hear that very often in Phoenix.!

I miss New York City. ;-)
At least there people in social situations were a bit more forward and honest.
A one night stand was agreed on even before the clothes were off.
Nothing promised, nothing lost...
Honesty ... I miss that. But I suppose before we can have it we have to be honest with ourselves and know for sure what we want.
I'm beginning to know... it has changed with time. Once I know for sure I can put it out there.
Can you? Or is honesty too scary for you?

Does Size Matter?

Does Size Matter?

On the age old question "Does Size Matter?" lets size things up..literally.

I posed this important question to women, some of them total strangers others friends, and even,relatives.

My first thought and conversation about size began in college I think... first year... a party at my house when my parents were gone for the weekend. When the guys had left, the "girls" sat around the kitchen table discussing sexual experiences mostly with the only woman we knew who had had any, and admitted to it. We asked her.."So how big is a IT any way?".... And in describing its length AND its girth, a dimension none of the rest of us had yet even thought about, she finally asked for some coins. Yes, coins ! Carefully stacking half dollars to about six or seven inches on the table in front of all of us, she said, "There!" then she promptly added.."except maybe it should be the width of silver dollars."
“Silver dollars? Really?” I questioned, “That big?”
She was the most intelligent of us... all honors students she, effotlessly had the unbeatable grades, We had no reason to doubt her expertise on this matter..
I think of her now with love and remember times when she in the back seat of the car with some guy would not "put out" without a promise of an ankle bracelet. She had a few ankle bracelets. I had none at the time. All of us relied on her for our information.
And so the question arose, and it keeps on coming back to this day.

To be honest I do not believe I have ever discussed intimacies with a woman friend without IT coming up... Along with "Soooo how was IT?" is the question .."AND.." It is pretty much code that if it is not mentioned then her partner was not so well endowed or, perhaps, average.
But if he is more then ample she will ALWAYS speak of it proudly... well, except if she is a petite woman who finds a larger appendage uncomfortable to handle so to speak.
On the other hand,,,lol, I have had the experience of the so super sized that only part of it could get hard and of course XXXL is lost in translation because only so much pole can fit in the hole.

I have to speak to the women who were open to this survey, all agreed that politely as women when a man is not so large and seems insecure about this fact we often will reassure him...
"Oh, you're fine."
"Just the right size."
"I don't like it to be too big."
"Well, you know how to use what you've got."
"You may not be large but you are just right for me."
Now, sometimes we mean what we are saying, but much of the time we are being polite.
You see, of the women I asked," If you had a choice would you be with a guy with a small to average sized penis,or with a more amply endowed man? " The women all, but one said BIGGER IS BETTER.

Now why is that?

It is because the female anatomy not only stretches out to accommodate size, it stretches out over time.
Let's tell it like it is. You can have had one child, a dozen or none and it is still over time ,even with kegels and thigh presses going to lose some muscle tone..
If you are lucky or on hormone replacement it may not lose its lubrication qualities,but the G spot and the clit and all the rest like the feel of fullness and friction and that means length and girth !

Worst experiences for most women is always the sexual chemistry and then the actual act of intercourse with a man who is far smaller then he sees himself and asks though he is the size of a stubby pencil... "Is IT big enough for you, honey..?" while the woman receiver is wondering ."Is he kidding? Where the hell is IT ?"

Now a well grown penis on the other hand offers the ability of every sexual position without too many contortions, and failures to launch.
It can go in front ways, on top, bottom, side ways, and from the rear successfully and it offers the satisfaction of a comforting fit, sometimes with full friction and vacuum like suction.
It may lead to some problems if the fit between man and woman is too perfect for the condom no matter how well placed to be lost in space so to speak... but as dangerous as this might be to the passing of sexually transmitted disease, the experience is UNFORGETTABLE..

Large penises or is the plural peni? definitely have the women's vote.

So what is large?
Don't tell me less then five inches erect and don't look at me if the girth is less then a quarter.

Do I sound harsh to men here?
Remember how many times you asked a woman her bra size or described her boobs to your buddy friends with cupped hand motions in front of your own chest, or compared a woman's chest to melons, usually cantaloupe.So please don't fain insult while reading this.
You,too have your preferences..though some men are satisfied with just a handful and others like them Jagunda ! (That's large melon size usually.)
Yes, you guys have your preferences too and women have been oh so careful over the years not to crush your egos when they find that they feel much like Samantha on the television series Sex And the City who finds herself in love with less then adequately sized James.
It just doesn't work.

Sure, sure a guy can be great with his tongue and with his fingers, but gentlemen and ladies I think you all would agree a great fit is even better, and better in this case is BIGGER.

Now the jury is still out and I can not insist that my non scientific survey is the be all and end all answer to this question.
But remember guys,,, big trucks, and big bank accounts,,, really don't go as deep.

A woman won't toss a good man away if he is smaller in size, or just the average six inches.
Women are kind compassionate creatures who know what is important in their lives.
Being a gentlemen, being honest, reliable, and compassionate, a giving, caring, humorous chap can go a long way. But if you are strutting around scowling at the attractive women who smile at you, holding out for the perfect Barbie, or even if you just want your woman whatever she looks like to be happy... equality in all the rooms in the house helps a lot as foreplay.
And if not you better know what you've got and how to use it.


The women I spoke to for the most part were adamant that they were tired of being judged superficially by men who when push came to shove didn't want to "share" in the work of the relationship and figured 4 inches in quarters was just dandy as long as it got hard.

Sorry guys... the consensus is that size does count.

Women won't measure your manhood by it if you compensate by being a man in other ways,
but immature boys of all ages need to SIZE UP.

Remember LIFE IS GOOD and sex is better when it's bigger.

Comments please.

Does Size Matter?

Yes, you know what I mean. Man tell jokes about it. Women whisper about it.

Does it really really matter if his penis is big or small?

It was a friend of mine who mentioned the topic recently and so I began an unscientific survey. I asked approximately fifty women ages ranging from 32 to 62 if SIZE mattered to them.
Come back to read the results, comments and my own personal opinion on this topic.

In case you are thinking this subject might be a bit mundane. consider that next to financial issues, sex,or lack of satisfaction there of,is the reason both sexes most frequently give for cheating on their spouses.

Now we all know that men with big trucks and over sized wallets have small ones..lol... but
you'll have to come back to find out what women really think.
STAY TUNED...

CONVERSE VS. BLAHNIKS

Now it is said that you can tell a good man by his accessories... and a good woman too.
I'm not so sure.
I had a choice this morning. Converse for the gym or my Blahniks and get right to work.
I chose Converse,no makeup, an old tank and shorts. I went to the gym and stopped all sweaty at the store. No less then three men converged on me. Now, two were married and the other, well, lets just say that he was younger then me.
I was flattered equally by all.
Sometimes a woman needs a lift without the heels. Especially on Wednesdays.
Now don't get me wrong I love my heels. I love the feeling of being a woman and floating through a place in something flirty with heels to boot... (well not to boot though boots make me feel good too..especially high ones with heels)... but you know what I mean.
It makes me feel sexy...like sexy underwear, a bit of light perfume, a low cut blouse, a dangling earring and the diamond on my finger.
It's not difficult to feel beautiful.
But it is even better to know you don't look beautiful and have men approach you with compliments or for your number. I am not at all put off by this,, even the men that go beyond subtle attempts for my attention and the ones that come close to stalking by following me around the store for a bit trying to engage me in some dumb ass conversation while staring at my boobs.
I love you guys! Men from 20 to 90 who catch a glimpse even when they are with their girlfriends or wives. Sure I think they are inappropriate dogs on the one hand if they are with another woman but a part of me is still flattered.
Of course they can't help it, just like they can't help selective hearing and never really saying what they feel, or finding it difficult to please me when they have already spent themselves somewhere in the first fifteen minutes of love making BUT they are inexplicably adorable. Like little boys with wide eyes and a taste for candy and willing to do whatever they have to do to get it. They don't seriously think it all through.
There is NO strategy.
They simply see what they like and are led by the flow of blood to their other brain to make their moves.
They don't care if I am in my sweaty gym clothes and Chuck Taylor Converse in any assortment of colors from pink to black with purple trim...
They may prefer the heels,...my beautiful strappy Blahniks that give me an ego kick.
I know I do.
I prefer my heels,my sexy thongs, my pierced left nipple. They all make me feel good, but nothing, nothing... are you listening men out there? makes a woman feel better then your attentive smile,your wink, your look of utter baffling approval... Because as you are becoming more aroused she can sense it and if the chemistry is right, she feels the fire too.
Don't stop looking, and saying your sweet hello's or shouting out your whistles from construction sites. I'll never complain. I promise.
Let me know what you like and I'm happy to jump right in and flirt right back at you.
Especially on Horny Tuesdays,,, or whatever other day you want to make it happen.

So let me know Converse or Blahniks...???

If the chemistry is right, I'll walk your way.
And to the three men this morning, thanks for making my day...

I hope you get yours just the way you like it.
Only a few more days to the weekend. I'm gonna get mine. ;-) hmmm..Blahniks, I think.

A Life Interrupted But Not Lost

Sometimes no matter how hard I try my health gets in the way of my activity.

I have told you I would be honest and this is the truth about my life that even people who I see on a fairly regular basis don’t know. They are friends or acquaintances in social situations and others who I help to maintain and maximize their own health or to keep the losses and stresses in their lives from draining their Spirits.

My story is not complicated, but it is probably not familiar to many of you.

You see when I was 38 years old, just a few months after my second marriage I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
Now why in the world would I tell you that, here on a blog about sexuality?

Well, maybe it is because after a year and a half of almost complete remission I find myself once again in the grips of the relapsing/ remitting symptoms of this illness, and of the result of lower resistance to other viruses and infections.

I recently got over a flu ,,,not swine, I was tested, but a flu and ear and throat infection.

It was exhausting, but nothing in comparison to what I live through in the hours, days, weeks, and, in the past, months that I suffer with the limitations of the pain of my M.S.

M.S. is not always painful and apparently it is not always severely debilitating.
I have struggled with a variety of symptoms but mostly it is the burning neuropathic pain that keeps me from my life when it does arise.
It is sort of like a light switch of pain that clicks on whenever, wherever and then it clicks off whenever it feels like. I compare it to the pain in the old movie Rosemary’s Baby. The main character has the gnawing debilitating pain for months and then it just suddenly stops.

So it is with my life. Except of course I have not been impregnated by the Devil...
And so it is the reason that I live my life outside of any serious relationship.
I can barely deal with the illness myself. How could anyone else?

I do go to the gym, and go out dancing and have pleasantly exhausting all night sex with my partner or partners ( one at a time, though I do have a fantasy about TWO men,lol)... I would not burden anyone else with the ups and downs of ME over the long haul.
One day so healthy and enthusiastic about life that I am hiking, and dancing and finding ways to have a travel adventure of one sort or another. On another occasion I might be found in bed or on my couch alone, watching CNN or medical programs which are my passion or sleeping the pain away, if I can sleep.

You will ask if I have been properly diagnosed. I assure you that I have from some of the best medical centers and doctors. You will ask about treatments, I have rejected all after carefully researching and watching their side effects in others with this hideous disease.
I do medicate on occasion for pain. But I meditate more.
I am not by any means addicted though sometimes in the height of the pain, I wish that I was. Sometimes a pain medication takes the edge off the pain sometimes not. I have once or twice been curled up in a ball without relief from heat pads or ice packs, or medications. I have refused any form of morphine, patches etc,,,because I want the life I live most of the time to be without brain fog, and drug induced side effects.

I am one of those people who you would pass on a walk, or in the store and chat with and never know that somewhere in my brain there are lesions that cause a disconnect that for me does not progressively debilitate but, which on occasion sometimes more often then I would like, causes debilitating pain.
Yes folks, I have tried Marijuana. too and though sometimes it helped, along with the munchies, sometimes it has no effect so I simply live in the moment of the pain and believe. that as it always has before, it will go away again.

So on a lighter note. Multiple Sclerosis is not what or who I am though on those days of pain I feel that it well may be.
Multiple Sclerosis is like aging all too young.

Being limited from the things you love to do, not being able to commit for the most part to time schedules,plans, and commitments to plans with friends. It eats at your social interaction as it eats at your central nervous system and only those strong friends survive in my world... strong friends and those that wander in and out of my life as lovers who never know, because they cannot see it, and so I never tell them.
They know me as the woman with passion for life and fun, music and nature, dance and sex.
They know me as joyous of Spirit a compassionate, listening, caring and,perhaps flirty, friend who is there when they call to offer them a soft place to fall.

You see, if I can meet my own challenges, surely I can offer them a place to put theirs.

So for joy I write this blog about romance and relationship and lust and passionate sex.

I am thrilled to be given this opportunity.

My illness has moved me along more quickly I think on my Spiritual path and I do well at sensing souls,seeing beyond the facade of some troubled beings.

I value my relationships with women as much as I value my relationships with men.

No I do NOT find women sexually attractive so I don’t have sex with women. But I do understand that kind of love, partnership and companionship.

I remain friends with my ex’s and have been understanding and friends with some of their new girlfriends, or wives.

I believe women have a bond that needs to be strengthened, not weakened and broken.
And men, though very different, are also sensitive creatures who often are out of touch with their feelings and are, more so then women, pushed into different behaviors by the content of their hormones and equipment below the waist.

There are lost souls in both sexes. People who are insecure, and need to lie and to keep running out of fear, and some who never seem to get how to do that without hurting others.

I value honesty above all else, and so demand from others what I give them.

I may not like what my man has to tell me, but I would rather hear it from his mouth then find out he has been lying to me. Lies and betrayal have a way of making you feel like the other person thinks you are STUPID and STUPID, or feeling like a FOOL,is one of the most hurtful things you can allow your self to feel.

As you continue to read the other posts, and there are many more to come about my past experiences with men and those that are current, i hope that you will keep all of this in mind.

I write because I must. For me it is like breathing.

You know you have found a passion when time is lost to you... and when you want to return to it over and over again.

Writing, travel, deep conversations,the beauty in nature especially the ocean,mountains, stars,rainbows, flowers, the loss of breath that comes at the end of a hike on an ocean cliff, rowing an outrigger across the bay, or at the end of more then a few dances, or at the culmination of sexual exuberance,,, this is really my life and who I am.
And so I will continue to write about it for all who are interested in continuing to read it.

Thank you my silent friends and those that write to me here and there.
Njoy the read. LIFE IS GOOD !

Please Sir, Please! I Want Some More ...

Why is it that, sometimes, "You Can't Stop 'Till You Get Enough!"?

Horny Tuesdays

What is it that happens on Tuesdays. Weekend over, the monster fed and hungry again?
Hmmm. Always Hungry on Tuesday. Can't wait to hear him, to smell him, to taste him, to have him. Can't wait for him to smell me, to taste me, to HAVE me. Please baby... dinner can wait can't it? Kitchen counter, kitchen floor, kitchen table... wherever you want me, how ever I want you. I'm not a cougar. I'm a she wolf, your fox. Come and play. I'll take the time to tease you, take you in. Why?
Because remember way back when ... that first post. Women DO think about sex as much as men do. We just weren't exposed, so to speak, so much before. We were taught to be ladies, to be good, not to be NAUGHTY. We've found ourselves though. No longer repressed, we aren't afraid to be the aggressor to move toward you...to undo your tie, to unbutton those buttons and unzip that fly. I know what I want. Can you give it to me? Will you give it to me? Do you want me to beg? Please baby, please... pretty please ..give me some...give me a tease then give me a taste.
Make it good. It's Tuesday. I'm always horny on Tuesday.
Screw Wednesday. That's Hump Day.
Give it to me now on Tuesday. We can eat food later. It's time on Tuesday for a Sensual Taste.
Did you know having sex regularly increases your life expectancy.
Forget the food... but lets eat.
Life is GOOD !

Lustful Moaning

It was your music I heard.
Softly, and with each note your breath against my neck.

As you moved with me,against me,
I heard you sing.

Your pleasure measured in your song,
Muffled subtle moaning of your lust for me.

So sweet,so hot was the music.
I began to forget myself.

I began to melt into you,
Your torrid strength against my supple flesh.

My body anxiously warm and wet,
As you pushed forward into me over and over again.

You suddenly conscious of my enlarging breasts,
I began to feel you lose yourself.

The music now,against my ear, louder than before.
You called to me burning in your pleasure.

Your song promising the momentary ecstasy we would share.
You sang to me and my body met your song.

I lost myself in your words and your flesh.
Your song rose within me.

Then finally I met you there,
In the exquisite moment of heated passion.

You came for me, and I for you.

We were quiet and still,
But the music lingered.



MG 7-11-09

I Don't Know About You But...

A BRIEF ASIDE I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND:

The world lost one of its most talented entertainers Michael Jackson.
A beautiful, young boy of many talents who morphed into a man of many conflicts.
What seems strange is not the facts of his life and his death but that now we focus on the idiosyncrasies of a man we accepted as The King of Pop.
WHY ?
Are our own lives so dull that we must dig into this tormented man's addictions until we think we have figured it all out.
Figured what out?
Surely he was somewhat eccentric,,, aren't we all in some ways?
We will never really know what was in his heart, or head, nor what it was that really caused him so much pain that he had to rely so heavily on over using medications in whatever ways he could get them and have them administered to him.
Our society has thousands, if not millions, of people who live in pain and with scaring insecurities so much so that they try to find peace through drug or alcohol use.
Some of us obviously feel better when we are numbed from that pain while others are able to deal with it head on, forget it, deny it,or allow it to remain secret and affect us deeply and our closest relationships as well.
Talented,creative genius seem to suffer inexplicably from such torments.
Their outlet is their creative work from which, in this case, we benefited.
We were given his gift of passion for music and dance and bravado in a way that we had never experienced it before.
I don't know about you but I ask you this: Can't we just be grateful for that, and let the rest go so that his family, especially his children , can begin to pick up the pieces of their young lives and find joy in the memory of their father?
Why the circus of questions as to whether or not he fathered his children in the conventional way, and whether he really did have sex with the women he married. Shouldn't that just be something between those people who were actually involved ? What matters to me is not who is having or had sex with who or even why... what matters is not if my neighbor has a satisfying sex life, what matters to me is if I am deeply satisfied with my own life.
Maybe things like this are better not kept as secret but kept as private and sacred.
Take all the energy that is now put into all these after the fact discussions, and put it into pray for his family... and into making passion in all its forms in our lives. In the end, it is his passion we will always remember him for. In the end, it is our passions that make every breath of our lives worth taking.
I am grateful for his gift.
I don't know about you but I think having received that gift from him is enough. All the other after chatter is without meaning.
Now on to your passions and to mine.

Sex Is What You Like To Read About

Being as honest as I said I would be in this blog, I have noticed that when the focus in my writing turns to relationship issues and feelings, less of you read the entry.

Perhaps in naming this blog I was misleading. My original intent was to allow a free flow of ideas and exchanges with comments..my sex diary and my thoughts and feelings on dating experiences.
Interestingly but perhaps not surprisingly is the fact that SEX is the topic you want to hear about.

Shame on me for being so naive.

Point taken, my continuing writings will discuss more of my sensuality and sexual experiences. I have no problem with that but thought the interspersing of relationship issues might be of similar interest.

This not being the case. Join me on this wild and wet journey... written as truthfully and as openly as I can. My Spiritual and intellectual side set aside, I will share with you the rest of me... for it too makes me a whole human being... my Sex-capades.

NJOY the read... LIFE IS GOOD !

What Are We Trying To Be Independent From?

I felt it would be appropriate on this Fourth of July weekend to address the topic of Independence.

Celebrating this Nation’s independence from its mother country made me consider a few things about my own independence and, others I know. Perhaps you fit into this category,too. Loudly, boldly, proudly declaring that you are separate and apart,alone but not lonely.

To go back in time a bit, I chose to get married (the first time) on July 3, so that the next day would be a holiday for everyone in attendance at the wedding and I think unconsciously I wanted to shout it out to the world that I,now, was beginning my new life, my own family apart from the dysfunctional one in which I had grown. Yes, my nuclear, biological family was one that took the FUN out of dysfunctional. I was anxious to have a REAL family and to get IT right this time! Of course, I was only 20. I was so young and naive that I failed miserably creating only another family where there was confusion,anger,inconsistency and little support for my beautiful daughters from their father or myself. We were not yet WHOLE individuals. Both from failing families, how could we have ever expected that we would even begin to know how to make our little family all that it should be?

We succeeded in divorcing and, despite us, our daughters grew up intelligent creatures, with some of their own issues, but none the less with beautiful hearts and souls.
Now, years later, having lived through all the best and worst of the sixties and all that followed including a second marriage, I find myself proudly saying that I am a very independent woman.

For this, all my nurturing qualities and feminine charms, I expect that some equally strong,knowing, and loving individual will come along and swoop me romantically into his arms and include me in his life. Allowing me my independence of course... ;-)
Seems though after you have been married and had kids, once or twice or more, or sometimes not at all, by this time in your life you are:what is proverbially called “ settled in your ways.”

You meet someone attractive. There is chemistry. You are tempted to allow yourself to become engaged in some sort of, dare I say it?, “relationship”.... Hmmm....
Do I, or don’t I ? Should I or shouldn’t I.? How far should I get into this? Do I really want to go there? Do I want to give up my space,free time,life of privacy,no strings,no nets, no chains?

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I arrive home everyday, I kinda like the quiet and that everything is still just where I left it, in its place or not.
I like not having to explain to someone that I am too tired to talk, that I need a breather, that I feel like sitting and staring into space for a moment or an hour, playing on the internet or listening to the boob tube as I sort through the refrigerator, or freezer or cabinet or menus from local restaurants to see what I feel like eating... or maybe I don’t want to eat at all. Maybe I want just to go for a walk ALONE.

Is it just me? I don’t think so. Sometimes I don’t want to answer someone's polite conversations of concern... Is it just that I haven’t fallen in love lately? Have I forgotten what that feels like? That it might feel good?
Yeah, but for how long?
Marriages don’t last. One out of every three fails, or is it two?. Second marriages have less success. Living together,,, saves on expenses for a time but then familiarity does seem to breed contempt. I’ve seen it with friends. I,too, have separated from a live in lover maintaining our friendship but separating just the same.

If there aren’t kids, or common financial assets to keep us focused do we really want to be WITH someone.

My phone is full of names and numbers.
My life has, despite what they say about never having enough, enough friends. Although I do, of course, look forward to meeting new and interesting people who might then become a part of my life.
I can’t help but enjoy having my full queen bed to myself, my own bedroom. I enjoy that no one bitches at me about anything really, except on occasion a dear friend, or my kids and that’s only if I feel like listening.

I rarely feel lonely.
Horny? YES , often..but LONELY? Sometimes maybe on News Years Eve, or when I’ve just seen some chic flick about that perfect relationship..you know, the Hollywood ending of love everlasting... or when I see an elderly couple look adoringly into each other’s eyes obviously treasuring a lifetime of memories, or when I see a couple obviously married still talking to one another in a restaurant and seemingly still enjoying a stimulating conversation.
Did you ever notice that ? You can usually tell if people are married in restaurants because they are the people NOT talking to each other, and not smiling and touching each other’s hands.

Is “FREEDOM just another word for nothing left to lose?” as the song lyrics ask....or is freedom and independence, something worth holding on to? Is it that comfort in our own skin, in our homes, to sleep all over the whole bed, not having to worry about someone else’s issues, or to think about our snoring or farting or other human noises making us less endearing to someone else, is that the true freedom we cherish?

I sort of like the idea that all the bills that come in my mailbox are my bills.

Sure, sometimes I wish someone else would be there to help me pay them.
Sometimes I’d like someone else to make a complicated decision with me or for me so I wouldn’t have to.
I would especially like when I am sick for someone to bring me a hot cup of tea, or run to the store for a craving of mine, or someone to just plain take care of things so I could just watch a movie, or CNN or read a book or whatever,,,,without having to think about anything.
A good deal of the time I want it to be ‘just me.”
Even when I walk into a restaurant alone,I really don’t mind. It took me years to overcome that eating in public alone stigma,but now, at this time of my life, I have it down.

But, the thing is, when I am horny, sometimes, in fact more often lately, I want to fall into the arms of not just a casual lover but of a lover who KNOWS me , who GETS me, who thinks I am someone really special. I want to be with that man I have always dreamed of being with, the one who is all about his life work, his passion, and who takes his play time with me as seriously as he does his work time.
I want to be with the man who cares as much about this earth and the people on it as I do and who takes the time, his and my assets to make sure that we leave the world a better place. Now THAT would be some FIREWORKS !

So I ask you, what about you? What do you really want? And if we describe ourselves as INDEPENDENT, what are we really trying to be independent from?

As the fireworks explode on this fourth and fad into the glimmer... will you be happy to be declaring your independence?Or will you be craving it?
Will you be wanting OUT of the relationship you are in? Or will you be wondering, like me, if being alone is just about perfect most of the time, but not exactly what you had dreamed or planned your life would be?

Will you boast INDEPENDENCE while you quietly, subtly wonder somewhere inside you, if “Independent “is the thing you really want to stay?

When you say you are Independent, what are you really saying you are independent from?

What are the fireworks in your life?

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY !

Njoy YOUR fireworks, whatever they are... Life is GOOD!

Is It Just About Sales and Marketing?

So many websites so little time.
Look at Twitter and you are bombarded by sales and marketing pitches. Examples aren't necessary for Tweeters, you all know what I mean.

Then there are the dating websites where one puts their profile, face and some sort of "name" to lure the reader to check them out, send them an email, or in some cases a "wink." All the hopes of finding true love.
You open an email to find, "John has sent you a wink."
Well, I don't know about you but "WHOOPIE!" I am not much impressed.
Was John too afraid or too busy to send a few words of personal introduction?

No phone numbers are posted on these sites so as to "protect" the users. But later in email contacts they are exchanged as they are in clubs, and gas stations, and super markets, and hardware stores around town. Wherever men and women meet, numbers are exchanged and then the intensified sales and marketing begins.
Now, when did we stop being real?
When I sold cars years ago I was taught the term..L T D. No, not the car model... The manager in a sales meeting said, "The first rule of selling successfully is Lies, Trickery and Deceit." I will never forget that. I was appalled then, but I wonder now does this apply to the social/dating scene?

I've noticed that most profiles indicate that men are fit "athletic" discerning guys who don't ever watch television and don't "do the club" scene. Also that often pictures are many years old.
First: So how is it that television shows get such high ratings? And how is it that in conversation everyone knows at least what the show "LOST" is, and who Barbara Walters is interviewing this week.
And, Second: who are all those people who are greasing the palms of club owners across the country even through this rough economy?
I don't mean to imply that either of these things are negative, but why do people feel the need to lie about them?
It seems the sales and marketing pitch facade excludes these things,least a man or woman be judged a lazy boob tube junky.
Third: Why put a really old picture when you do hope to eventually meet in person.
I have had the experience and many of you had to when meeting in person of thinking," Who the hell is this person?

Sitting across from someone on a first, second or even third date getting through to the essence of their being is sometimes a chore. I admit it myself. I do a sort of interview process. Is it because I worked in business for so long? Is it because I feel I need to time manage and to be cost efficient? Time is money, right?

I'm not so sure what women use as their marketing tools. I know that sounds ridiculous as I am a woman, but except for dressing provocatively and portraying themselves as women in distress needing rescuing or so super independent that they don't need a man, I am not sure what else women do..most I have met are far more humble and honest and then men I think.
Are men just a bit more insecure or is it because they have been in the business world too long and their mind set is pressure sell or market gently but put the agenda out there and get to the goal of the meeting.
I admit to being flirtatious but,personally, I will tell you anything about myself if you ask except for my true age and weight. On all other topics I am completely honest and straight forward. Why, because I want to KNOW you, truly KNOW who you really are.
Now from men I get this type of conversation.
" Hi, I'm James... What's your name? Nice to meet you yada yada.. the "come here often?" Or "I've seen you here before haven't I ?" standard opening lines.
That's fine.

Then the conversation moves on depending on the man into a few different categories.
They begin to sell themselves with their wares.
"I live on Snob Hill. Of course that's only one of my homes, I have one in the Carribean too, and one on the Mediteranian. I didn't take the mercedes tonite, or the old classic, I'm riding my BMW bike. Wanna see it? Take a ride, go home with me or can I follow you home?"

Now in between this sales pitch there may be some small talk. Perhaps a question or two about you. But mostly it is focused marketing. From the man's prospective it is to make the point: Who I am is what I own and you can have have a taste, if I can have a taste of you, literally.

Or there is the big time positive opener whose close ends the same as the above...

"Wanna come home with me or can I follow you home?"

But this pitch is a bit different.

Here's my number call me if you don't find what you NEED. The implication very overt. A half hour soliloquy about what kind of a man he thinks he is.

"You don't know me yet,but I am the best lover you'll ever have. I love to please a woman. Making a woman cum is my only goal in life. I have a great tongue. I always give more then I expect back. You have never seen or felt a dick like mine. I could burn a whole in the mattress with you. I am always on fire and the true energizer bunny."
Come on now ladies, tell me you haven't heard this before!

There is shy guy "I don't meet many women.", and there is married guy "we live together still I love her but there is no sex." There is I work so hard guy "I don't have time to date or take you to dinner but can I follow you home?" There is sports guy,"I'm always on the field or course, or watching or coaching games,so I just don't have the time for a relationship."
But yet, and still each one of these men has a sales and marketing pitch to cut to the chase so to speak.

Some time ago when I did massage for a few years, I met men from all over the country, with varying occupations and marital status. Why is it that in all that time I only had one man say simply "That was a great massage." But ALWAYS, no matter what their age, or social status, they would say.. "Hey do you ever do anything MORE? An
attractive woman like you is difficult to walk away from and I just don't seem to "relax" enough. I'd pay you extra if only you would let me... "

Doctors, lawyers, musicians, athletes, from football players to golfers, from bankers to construction workers ... from 25 - 75,,, not one man missed an opportunity to pick his head up during the massage and mention some bit of information about himself that might close the sale except for one.

I have been told I am jaded in my thinking and that I just am meeting the wrong men in the wrong places. Reread above,please. I don't think so.

Some of these are great men, wonderful men, some of them exceptional human beings who were both gifted and humanitarian,,,who, like many women, seem to find ourselves allowing our people skills to become more fragmented and evolved into what we can use to "sell" ourselves to others. The EGO as Ekhardt Tolle discusses in his books has become so large we forget about the inner qualities that truly make up who and what we are.
Our real identities are only tentatively exposed because we have come to value things, and looks more then we value heart and passion for life not just passion in the bedroom.

I have seen this economy do many devastating things to families, taking away jobs and homes etc. Yet I have also observed a freshness in some of my conversations with new acquaintances. I think people are beginning to be forced to reevaluate their true identity. Ego is beginning to fall away and with less materialism to feed ego we are beginning to give more sincerely of what we truly do have. It doesn't have to be sold or marketed, it just IS. Pure and simplistic self of mind,heart,values, and ethics that does not begin with "this is what I own," or "this is how great I am in bed."
It begins with a sincere, "Hi"... "how are you doing?' It is filled not with "Fluff" but with the real substance of who we are and connections that evolve from sharing experiences, successes and losses, and something deeper then electronic "winks."
The admission that sometimes I lay on my couch with my favorite snack and get lost in the world of entertainment provided to me on a square box or flat screen in HD or not.

Can we learn to leave the sales and marketing at the office and just "BE."

Will we finally come to realize that we don't have to SELL or Market ourselves?

Will we finally be content in the knowledge that our TRUE SELF,,, is more then enough?

Keep Making Memories! Life IS GOOD!

Joseph Campbell

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
—Joseph Campbell

He's Just Not That Into You/She's Just Not That Into You

He’s Just Not That Into You .... She’s Just Not That Into You
SO ... Why Do We Sometimes Act Like Social Idiots ?

After my last night out with friends I had to include this here for all of you to enjoy a laugh not just at me but perhaps with me and others you know,and even your self.

Once again out at the usual club with the not so usual suspects, I woke up this morning in bed alone. I hadn’t gotten “lucky”. Sometimes that happens.

Though some nights I just have a good time I actually did find myself last night zeroing in on one particular individual with whom I had previously enjoyed a sort of date, that is, drinks and conversation.
I would begin here to describe this fabulous specimen of a man, but I would be too wordy and bore you.I was also reminded by my bff this morning that “beauty is in the eye” and she didn’t think he was all that.

I could have spent way more time then I did glancing over at him, making eye contact, chatting and even begging the man to dance with me. Yes I did say begging...
I do remember saying something to him about the song the band was playing being my favorite, Alicia Keys... "If I Ain't Got You" and telling him he must dance with me, he could not say no, and something like” I'm begging” or “Please don’t make me beg.” came out of my mouth.
Ahhh crap, now THAT is embarrassing to admit!
Now for a brief history this man has already demonstrated clearly on two or three separate occasions that he is JUST NOT THAT INTO ME.
As I have said I am a mature woman with my share of experience.
I knew that it was a total waste of time and sheer stupidity to pursue even a one night stand with this hunk of heaven. But in a slightly altered state of mind last night, pursue his ass I did.

I did not go so far as to invite him home, but in “begging” him to dance with me. OMG ! My stomach does flips when I think about it even after twenty four hours.
I picture myself from a sort of aerial view watching my self go through this pathetic invitation to simply move to music with this man on the dance floor.

Do I sound needy, desperate, psycho ...? All of the above?

Before you judge though I ask you this. Can you , have you imagined or had a moment when you KNEW you had gone WAY OVERBOARD in your advances of some beautiful person who had absolutely no interest in you and never would ? Is it courage or fear that brings us to this place?
I am an optimist and a believer in hope and in miracles... so I took the leap.

I submit to you that all of us who go to clubs, club stalk people often enough that we find ourselves laying in bed that night wondering “what the hell was I thinking?”
Overt flirting, club stalking and other idiotic behavior is common even among those of us who are “mature,” And/ or “otherwise successful” and :Independent”.
We see something, someone we want and we may either turn into babbling idiots, or needy five year olds.
Yes, I think even MR. KOOL the man I was pursuing last night has probably had his moments of club rejection. Even the best of us has been politely avoided, or overtly ignored despite our pursuits.
Whether it be the sexy bartender or the one who looks like surfer boy, or the distinguished gentlemen in the corner or the man sitting at the end of the bar alone, the traps are there and we fall right into them. Sure we all have our own forms that attract us.
I have had men drool over my boobs, my ass, my hair, my neck, and even my thick ankles!
Now, the fat ankle thing was a real surprise but it IS true.!

And , you ? Who have you focused in on... blond Barbie, or a sultry brunette, plumb and sweet or thin and fit ? I know you have been there right where I was last night. Maybe not so far as to have butterflies in your stomach but a definite magnetic attraction to the person in front of you or across the room. Maybe you haven’t even heard their voice but all the other people in that place in that time fad into a fog and it is just the two of you exchanging tentative glances and then it begins. The well thought out strategy or the spontaneous” oh well what the heck, I’m going for it! “

What is IT?... that chemical reaction that causes this attraction?? You are not quite sure but you very definitely have to go there. What is it that they say in twelve steps meetings.?.. you have a “BURNING DESIRE !?”
It is an itch that must be scratched, a treat that must be reached for.

Mine last night was a handsome,well educated,polite, intelligent man who has a smile you could die for and skin you want to lick because it has to be the sweetest you ever could imagine.

So on the dance floor and later in a good bye conversation when I decided I MUST return to acting somewhat normal because I was getting no where, I gently kissed him on the side of his neck under his ear..to me the sexiest part of any mans body, and told him to have a good golf game this morning. You see he had used his early tee time as an excuse to gently blow me off.
I was not devastated only disappointed. I had been luckier when I was younger and had lived through only a couple of rejections always to move on to someone, something, even more wonderful...

So why is it that we act like idiots for the object of our affections?

Male or female you have all done it at least once and I would guess a lot more.
There are stranger, stupider acts that follow break ups, but the Club stalking, flirtatious, behavior that can get really be annoying to someone who isn’t interested in us at all, is a matter to be looked at,studied and since it is just plain human nature laughed at over and over again.

SO I hope that my Mr.McDreamy last night forgives me,feeds his ego with my compliments to him, and my naiveté, if you can call it that, and that all the men who have fallen all over me relax in the thought that I too have made an idiot of myself in front of someone and was, politely, this time, sent away alone. It’s all in the game. It is all part of the social scene in the past, now, and probably will be forever and always."He’s Just Not That Into You," isn’t a new concept. We are simply becoming more aware.
You may be a yummy butter pecan and your special Mc Dreamy prefers sumptuous chocolate. It doesn’t make butter pecan any less delicious.
It is all a matter of taste after all.
Though some of us have less experience with rejection then others, we have all been there.
Don’t ask "why?"Just remember there is another bus coming down the road. You just can’t see it yet. Magic is moments away. Get out there and dance. Life IS Good !

Erotica II: Each Time It Was New

You held me gently to your lips.
I could feel your tongue circularly searching my nipple.
And then you began to suck.
I felt my nipples hardened,my breasts swell,
And I began to writhe up and down against your strong,hard body.
I was wet now
But you had not noticed,only hoped,
as you continued to pleasure one breast then the other.
I felt your teeth gently pull at me
Then your lips move down,slowly to my stomach first and then to my thighs.
Teasing me to motion and moisture,
You were good...
You made me come out.
You fingered and kissed me until I could bear it no more.
Then like before you took me up and plunged forward inside me,
Until my muscles rippled hard and wet around you,
holding you until you too felt my pleasure in loving you.
You moaned.
I whimpered.
We lay together motionless for a time,
Until we kissed again like before.
It was all like before,
But each time it was new.

Create the BUZZ. Share a comment !

If you are returning here or new to this site,please let me encourage you to leave a comment.
Whether positive or negative I hope you will be uninhibited in sharing your thoughts and feelings.


“ Easy ? You men have no idea what we are dealing with down there. Teeth placement,jaw stress and suction and gag reflex and all that while bobbing up and down moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy ? ? ? Honey ... they don’t call it a job for nothin’ ! “
Samantha (Sex and The City)

Is It Time For Viagra ?

In a society filled with all kinds of magic little pills to cure just about anything,side effects aside,of course. I picked up some years ago a whimsical clock which I hung in my kitchen. It is round, neon blue, and keeps very accurate time. The arrows point straight up when they are suppose to with little replicas of that little blue pill on the hands of the clock.
Around it's outside border it asks,"Is It Time For Viagra?"
And so I begin my story of what I, with compassion, call my night with "wet noodle man."
I know, I know... I really shouldn't! But I have to share this experience with all of you both men and women.
The clock I described has been there for a few years now and when noticed gets a chuckle. I had almost forgotten about its cute little marketing logo until one night a month or so ago.
As I have mentioned it seems to me that I am more drawn to younger men and them to me. But after some self analysis I decided to really figure out why that was. I have a nurturing nature and though I admit to having times of being "needy," for the most part I am a strong woman.
I don't like to be controlled. I don't like to control except in some situations which both my kids can very vehemently list for you. I admit to sometimes being a hovering overbearing mama bear type with my kids. I am divorced from their father after all. He distanced himself from them, and the rest of their relatives have died. So, yes, I tend to be too mothering. But I digress.
On the contrary, with men I like the equal partner idea. In fact sometimes I prefer that the man in my life make more of the decisions with some input on my part. And because my older brother was the most influential male figure in my life, I think I tend to look for qualities in a man that remind me of him.He was always lovingly positive with me,compassionate, understanding and had a vibrant passion for life.
My father,on the other hand, was very withdrawn, and stoic in nature. He evoked fear mostly. Though we as his children all loved so many of the qualities of my father's character. SO to get to the point, I decided to make an effort to date more "age appropriate" men. I wanted to prove to myself, I think, that there was nothing really wrong with my psyche. That my choices were pure of heart and not derived from the fear of being over controlled, losing my identity to a man closer to my own age.
I met M on a dating website that was free to women.
Why not? Post a picture and a profile then scroll through online profiles looking for people of common interests and like mindedness. M's picture portrayed a man who seemed confident in stature and demeanor,well dressed and still looking well for his years. I found his picture and his smile appealing. His profile didn't go off on a wild tangent about owning half of the Roman Empire and driving a Lamborghini and a Mercedes. It didn't mention his distaste for his ex-wife or list one hundred and one things he was looking for in a woman. He didn't seem to be looking for Barbie and his interests of music,travel,nature, with no drama, were reassuring. He had been married and divorced with kids, so no fear of commitment as he did state he was very much involved still in his kids lives. They were both in college. He didn't list as his idea of travel a trip to the lake with his dingy, or four wheeler and a six pack as his weekend diversion,,, not that there is anything wrong with that, ;-) just not my idea of travel.
So when I noticed he had listed me as a "favorite" which those of you who know Internet dating is a sign that he had marked my profile to his little black book but had not contacted me. So he was showing interest but hadn't yet had the balls to really write or even wink ;-) to me..or maybe he was just getting out of a relationship and fantasizing or just using my picture as a visual stimulus for self pleasuring.
I decided to think the better of him and send him an email. He responded and quickly commented that he would like to chat on the phone. After a few conversations during which he answered my subtly investigative security check questions without a glitch, I decided to meet him for in public for a drink.
He was as his picture had portrayed an attractive man. Our conversation flowed. He didn't order too many drinks and get totally inebriated. On the down side, he never asked if I would like an appetizer or another drink, I had to ask for another drink myself but he insisted that the waitress bring out the "FREE" chips. He asked first to make sure that they were in fact "free." He was otherwise respectful and polite to me and to the waitress, and with two kids in college and just a first meeting I over looked the "free chips only" thing. Maybe I was desperate to make age appropriate man thing work.
He walked me to my car, and deciding that this might be a man I would like to date and get to know better, I did not put myself out there in any overtly flirtatious way.
I was a lady. Cool, calm and collected, I said a sweet "good night" and told him that I would look forward to hearing from him when he promised to call.
There seemed to be a mutual attraction on some level. On my way home I made the usual call to my bff to give her the details. It was all positive.
After a few days,,, the three day rule apparently applied with this man, he asked where I would like to go to dinner. Suggesting that I choose a favorite and "romantic" place to sit and chat over a glass of wine or drinks. Bingo! There was an attraction, or at least he was willing to put in an effort to get laid.
Nice though, I thought. Once again keeping in mind that the man was supporting two college age kids I immediately went from the 4 star list to something less pricey. But when he then insisted that he would "surprise" me. I was even more delighted. Most women, at least this woman enjoys surprises of this kind so I left the restaurant choice to him, and because I knew him only a short time and he was dropping his kids at the airport told him I would meet him wherever. His choice was one of my favorite resorts, and a restaurant I had been to once or twice before for brunch and lunch.
I dressed appropriately in a not too short black pencil skirt and a rather conservative but very feminine flowing blouse from The White and Black Store. I applauded myself on the way to meet him, I was finally,,, finally dating a man close to my age who was interesting, charming and with whom I felt I had some chemistry.
I arrived and valet parked as is usually my habit when it is dark and the walk from the parking lot in the dark is less safe. Walking into the lobby and down the stairs of the lush Hyatt property, I felt very much like a woman who had over come her apprehensions and was ready to meet a man who might turn out to be more then casual fun. I felt good.
Sometimes things aren't what they seem.
As I glanced through the restaurant and all its tables inside and out, I didn't see him. Perhaps I was early. Looking at my watch, no, I was a few minutes late. Maybe he was late, the airport and all. I chose to use my cell phone to call him.
"Hi,I've just arrived are you here yet? I've looked and I don't see you."
Reply: "Yes, I am here and after all the trouble I've gone through to pick this place you can try harder to find me!"
Whoops! HMMMM.... OOOOOKAY....so I thought at first that he was kidding,that his abrupt tone was a joke.At least I was still hopeful.
"OK," I said, "well if you give me a clue I'll find you faster."
"I'm on the out most patio." he said." Look and you'll find me."

It was a beautiful night and a beautiful place. The Hyatt at Gainey has a tropical feel and in the cool evening air with the scent of fresh flowers I wasn't going to let his "joke" worry me. He had been interesting, personable. Let it go, I told myself.
As I approached him he seemed to hold back a smile, kissed me lightly on the cheek. I told him that he looked handsome and he didn't say anything.
Perhaps the kids I thought.
We were shown to our table and the conversation seemed labored. He wasn't drinking. He announced that he had gone to one of the clubs I had mentioned I sometimes went to the night before looking for me, but I wasn't there. He had drank too much there and was not going to drink at all tonight. Darn... A drink might have chilled him out.
When I reminded him that I had told him I was visiting my female friend that night to watch a chick flick he scowled.
OK... then !!! Well !!!
Then to my amazement he looked up at me and asked,"So are we seeing each other exclusively now?"
Turning a whiter shade of pale,I'm sure, I cleared my throat and said."How could we be seeing each other exclusively when I have only known you, actually had conversation with you face to face for about 2 and half hours?"
His response," Well I hope you know I don't take everyone here. In fact, have you been here before because I have never brought anyone here and I have never come here on my own."
"Well, yes."
I explained how it was a favorite place of mine and though not every week but at least often enough I had come with friends, alone and once on a date for brunch. I thanked him for making such a thoughtful choice.
At this point his phone rang, and saying it was his ex he picked it up,somewhere in the middle of a long conversation with her, I excused myself to the ladies room to give him some privacy.
I took a long time. He was still on the phone when I returned. Then said good bye to her and turned to me with no apology... "Let's go for a walk."
The walk led to a bridge overlooking the lawn and the pool area. The lighting was soft, the stars out.
I wanted to go home.
Now here is where I was very stupid. I was horny and I was annoyed. I no longer wanted to date men my age...EVER ! He was a jack ass. I had asked all the appropriate "Is everything, OK?" trying to figure out his mood and trying very hard to find excuses for his rude behavior. Oh, did I mention when the bill came he let me know it was more expensive then he had expected, and my dinner was the reason. He had had a dinner salad, all he would ever eat in a "place like that."
Lord help me.!
But right there on that bridge as he pulled me into him telling me what great tits he imagined I had, I decided I was going to sleep with him and then toss him back.
I am not always the brightest or wisest woman around.
I wanted to get laid. He was there and I was going to get what I wanted.

OK so, here's where the calculating ,mind of a woman clicks in.

I press my body against his but feeling nothing, I ran his hand down the front of my blouse and then up my thigh but ruthlessly stop him midway to paradise.
I whisper in his ear that I had forgotten to put my panties on and after all we can't do IT here. He invited me to his home.
A modest but nicely decorated place in the McDowell Mountains, it takes me one sip of a drink and about five minutes to get him into the bedroom. The button of my blouse strategically unbuttoned as he poured the drink.
He quickly began explaining about how he had "problems" and would never be able to keep a woman like myself satisfied. I didn't say a word because he rushed to lick my thighs and then finding his way quickly to my clitoris he began to lick and suck with great joy and enthusiasm. I rewarded him with verbal praise then begged to get my hand on his cock. And there it was,,, small,and limp.
OK so he needs more stimulation no problem,,, lick it, suck it, talk dirty to him, reassure him. NOTHING.
Hey, it's OK these things happen.
"No," he said, "this happens to me all the time. This is how I am. This is what happens. I can't get it hard."
I had not had an orgasm, though he had gotten me close with his tongue.He obviously was not having anything, except some pleasure in my naked top and my skirt pulled up to my waist. Staring down at me he repeated "I cannot ever have a woman like you."
Now despite his previous behavior at the resort, I began to feel sorry for the man. And sorry is not a good thing to feel when you are in bed with someone.
I kissed his forehead gently,stroked his hair and told him, " Look I don't mean to insult you but you obviously are struggling with this, have you asked your doc about Viagra?" "Yes," he replied..."It's just NOT the right time."
NO SERIOUSLY that's what he said.
"Right time???" I questioned.
"Yes" he said," I won't take that until I am much older. It's not the right time for VIAGRA."
M rubbed as hard as he could against me. He even tried to have me help him to get that now wet, limp, thing into me.
It was like trying to get a wet noodle into the neck of a wine bottle. As much as you try, it just ain't happening!
I left M's house that night,quietly, trying not be rude and rush out the door.
All I thought about for weeks was that limp noodle and my throbbing vagina waiting, hoping beyond hope that by some miracle,,,some little blue miracle pill,perhaps it could work.
But, it just wasn't time for Viagra.
I believe we all have our own process, and it is not my place to try to change a man in any way. I wish M well, despite his rude behavior and inappropriate assumption that relationships become exclusive in under 3 hours. I have run into him twice but we have not spoken.I did not want to embarrass him further.He is not a bad human being. But I say this with encouragement for anyone reading this ever having a similar circumstance. ASK your doctor... maybe it IS time for Viagra.!
And to the women who have been similarly frustrated... My relief came not with my hand held shower massage, but with the very next man who I invited to share my bed.
Everything worked exceptionally well... the memory of "wet noodle man" faded, and I was smiling again, especially when I look up in my kitchen at my clock with its little blue pill hands and straight up arrows.
Life is funny. Life is GOOD !