What Is The UGLY TRUTH, Anyway?

I admit I have borrowed this "Ugly Truth" phrase from a recent romantic comedy movie that I have not yet seen. I watched the movie trailers with interest. I think every woman has her own idea about what it is that men are really like, and what they like and look for in a woman.

My purpose though has always been to empower women to be true to SELF and to do what feels good,whatever is fulfilling,satisfying to them.
Besides these myths,rules, standards go on ad nauseum ... and really continue to proliferate through the media circus on the tabloids at the check out counter in grocery stores.

We really do need to sort some of this stuff through and get our thinking straight.

That said, in my own personal experience, I have come to believe some of the gender urban myths or truths, depending on how you look at it, that were set forth in this movie and whispered from mother to daughter, sister to sister, friend to friend through out history.

Let's begin with the most obvious:

1) Men like women whose body type appeals to them.

Now most people would say that you have to be thinner to appear pleasing to a man.
However, I have seen as you have, I am sure, men who are with heavier women whose beauty is more Botticelli then Mondrian.
Fuller figures sometimes turn a man on.
I have to admit when a man points out my larger bum I am not altogether flattered as I have been brainwashed that no one would love me unless I was thin and fit. My mother often pointed out that my TWIGGY-like figure in my 20's was a good thing though the boys in my neighborhood often told me to eat more pasta so they would have something to hold on to.

I can't say that I have ever been happy with the way I look. For the most part I think that some days I look OK, other days I'm hopelessly unattractive, and some days I believe, if I just exude confidence, and keep smiling, and flirt in the way I have learned to love to flirt, I can go home with just about any one... well, especially if he has had a drink or two.

Recently a physical trainer who was very fit,told me he liked my big boobs and big butt. I'm not
sure he was all that sincere, but I have found that Black men, and some Italian men seem to appreciate my thickness and ample features.
In my defense I can honestly say that once I am body to body with a man, he is not disappointed. I just happen to enjoy sex, but of course that's one of the reasons I chose to write this blog.

Point is: Don't worry about your size!. There are men out there who will want you. Not every man wants a TROPHY.
But the Ugly Truth Is that sometimes you will not always be the desired body shape of the man YOU are attracted to.

Let him go.

There is someone else waiting for YOU just the way YOU are.

Oh yeah and as far as the waist to hip ratio and golden formula for symmetrical facial features,,, these are proven facts through varying cultures... Fortunately though not too many perfect ratios and symmetrical features exist, and as far as I have heard most world cultures are all still reproducing. SO no need for concern.

2)Men like longer hair ... so they have something to grab on to. ...eh hem...
Yeah I want something I can grab too, and have settled just a few times for a deficit,,, and I'm not talking about hair.!

I do think that most men if surveyed would prefer a shoulder length or longer hairdo... but then so would they prefer or at least as proven over and over, stop to assist a blond and/or a redhead over a brunette. It is what it is.

I am a brunette. I did go blond once, much to my daughters' chagrin and looking back at the pictures I was a bit brash looking,but I did get a lot more attention as a blond and I did have more fun.

Now, with a best friend who is a natural redhead, I often endure the "overlook" as men walk over me without notice to get to her. She is in all ways lovely, and is more petite then myself, also a plus to men. To be quite frank, she, being from the Midwest and, myself,from New York City the contrast in personalities is stark. She seems almost always nice, and sometimes overly polite, where I, in true New York City fashion, tell it like I see it, and don't take any shit without giving it right back.

But back to the subject of hair, length and color these factors do seem to attract men but does that keep a man?
There are men who get turned on by the "butch" look, the Demi More in GI Jane image.

So once again I have to advise... Do to your hair in whatever way it makes YOU feel more attractive.

If purple hair shaved on one side is your gig, then go there. Some guy is looking just for you.

3) Men prefer women who wear heels with polished toes and the higher the heels the better.Some prefer closed toes, others prefer the sassy, strappy sandal type.
Stripper shoes, with seven inch clear heels, are,of course, erotica at its best to a man.

Sorry but I do believe there is no arguing this one.
Even shorter men, who seem to always have some sort of "issues" ..Napoleon or otherwise... like heels.

Wear only heels to bed, and a man will be putty in your hands... OOPS! Bad analogy not putty!! ... rock hard in your hands,,, and wherever else you put it.

4) And on the subject of low cut tops and ample breasts: Whatever you've got show them off a bit, subtly or overtly men are just freaking fascinated with BOOBS, TITS... whatever else they might call them... they are ridiculous about it!

A man will talk to your chest, suckle at it for hours, and have the need to touch and fondle it whenever there is no one looking or even sometimes when someone is. It is just the most inexplicable thing to me that men find this part of a woman's anatomy so fascinating.
Having worked in an AIDS clinic with gay patients and co workers I can tell you that even gay men will admire ( if from a distance) a woman's breasts.
Cross dressers and transvestites spend hours on choosing the appropriate undergarments to make their breasts look supple and perky.

And so it is... Whether small or large,,, and I mean small and I mean LARGE, men just can't seem to get enough of boobs..even if they proclaim themselves to be "ass" men.

Nope, in my opinion, they are lookin' and they are talkin' and they are lookin' again...
I have more then once reminded a man that my eyes were on my face so that they would stop staring at my chest. But I do love it... Why?

Before my children were born, I was a a smaller woman, I was thin and I was a 32 A.
Although I did not breast feed, my size grew during pregnancy and never went down. With my first daughter I became a 34 C and with my second a 36 DD which then went back to a 36D.
I can tell you that I walked around in NYC in the winter with my coat open when I realized the attention this new growth of my chest was getting from male friends and total strangers alike.

My second husband talked of my breasts as if they had their own persona.
And quite honestly the attention they received from him had me cum every time without penetration or other foreplay. Sensitive nipples are a plus and any man I have spent any time with has come to learn, some really astute men rather quickly, that if you touch my left nipple I am "yours", and I am lovin' it.! ;-)

So wear that cleavage... push those puppies up,,, make "the girls" happy and you will be happy too if you want any man's attention.

Now on this issue I cannot speak for lesbians. My lesbian daughter hasn't weighed in on this,but my lesbian friends seem, too,to appreciate the beautiful roundness of a woman's figure.

Let's face it... unless "DAVID"like, the male body is nowhere near as pleasing to look at as a woman's body. The "god like" man may have wash board abs,V physique, chiseled face,tight buns,muscular arms and legs with a great penis, and that certainly is a GIFT.!
But the average man's body has a way to go before it meets the pleasantry of the average woman's body.

If there is a God and if he made Adam and Eve, he saved perfection for the second of his creations. Even God needed to practice a bit first before getting out the better version.

To be continued....

LOVE and OTHER ODDITIES

I have been silent a bit.
Processing some feelings.... no, really. I find myself having to admit that my passive/aggressive interest in a fantasy man is keeping me thinking.
If you are a follower please grant me this moment while I figure out if the download in my brain is worth describing to you in detail.
I will tell you this for now.
I have never believed in love at first sight or at least never had that experience... strong attraction, yes... So this strong attraction has lasted over a year, and I, now, devoid of and getting bored of the same 'ole scene am looking into being honest with myself, if that is possible while still fantasizing about someone.
I have no shame in this feeling,,, even my openness about it. But it is a puzzlement to me and is sometimes uncomfortable or, perhaps, unfamiliar is the thing.
At any age, at any time can we fall in love ? Having been there, done that... can it still feel new?.. but amazingly and inexplicitly different in a good way. Better because I know myself,now, and have faith in myself that no matter what happens, I will be OK because I always have been.
Life/ Love is a PUZZLEMENT.
Thank you in advance for your patience while I see if this fantasy will become a reality at least in brief... and perhaps more importantly if I will allow it to.
Perhaps this is the time when, whatever happens, I question...
DO I have the Brain, the Heart and the COURAGE to jump and fall one more time?
Hmmmm. Even writing it seems foolish. Am I too far gone for foolish?
LIFE IS GOOD ! In the meantime enjoy the thought provoking read on another very different topic below.

Here's a link to a BLOG also worth reading.

Another Aside.... If you have questioned the VICK /Pitbull controversy. Read the following powerful and thought provoking blog.

http://sagejessica.wordpress.com/2009/08/20/i-wanna-be-like-mike-why-pitbulls-and-african-american-felons-deserve-michael-vicks-second-chance/

Pleased and Pleasured

I kissed you first softly then with more passion and moved my lips down your strong hard chest.
Your eyes closed as my fingers began to caress you.
As I kissed your thighs I saw you look at me, anticipating what you knew would delight you.
The pleasure of my tongue on you brought a gentle moan.
With that sweet sound I moved to take you in, sucking softly at first,
as you became harder in my mouth.
I began to take you in more deeply, letting go and then taking you back,
In and out, as my tongue teased you.
For a while I forgot myself , lusting for you, I sucked harder.
I heard you say my name.
I stopped for a moment to look up at you.
You were watching me.
I could see your adoring face in the soft light of the night.
My mouth was wet against you.
You were hard and hot.
I was slow but steady,
gentle, but relentless.
I played with you with my tongue always taking you in and out
Deeper, longer, harder, following your rhythm
Feeling your sensation grow.
Slowly,at first, then with more force you began to pulsate in the warmth moisture of my mouth
My lips pressing,
My tongue teasing,
As I sucked you in I felt my body flush.
Then in an instant you moved to give me what I was after.
You filled my mouth.
As I swallowed, I felt the warm moisture of my own satisfaction.
I held you there still in my mouth just for a moment.
Listening to your mellowing sighs.
Pleased and pleasured you lay there,spent.
While I once again kissed your thighs
And saw your handsome face glowing in the peacefulness of that moment.
You reached for me to move my face to yours,
And held me tightly.
"I love you." you whispered.
And we clung to each other like two children.
Each of us completely satisfied and filled with the joy of another magical moment.

SEX, LIES and ?

Apparently I pissed a few men off with that last post. Ahh well, just reporting it as I hear it, see it. LOL. Being Honest.
What ever happened to honesty any way.?

Yes, I know I told you I lie about my age and my weight. And I do.
So this is somewhat hypocritical I suppose.
But really, it is not so much that I meet men who lie to me as men who lie to themselves.
They believe that they are exceptionally handsome, exceptionally intelligent, and exceptional lovers. They look in the mirror and see that, BELIEVE IT.
And within one conversation they can give themselves away.
On a first date with a man he told me he was not married. Later he told me he was separated, then he told me he was separated but still living with his wife, then ..well you can guess the rest.. Men who are "separated but living with "of course never have sex any more but stay together for the kids or for some ailing relative whose heart they would break if they split up.

Give me a BREAK !

Are there really people out there that believe that someone will fall for their stories..?

Tales of money ... oops, well no,,, money lost,,, or the BIG Business Deal , the SHIP that never comes in. They put their wealth or imagined wealth out there in the first conversation, or they name drop or they mention how close they are to their ailing parents, and kids of course, and needy ex's and how self sacrificing.
They talk about being abandoned sexually by their wifes, or spin a tale about how she became a lesbian.
I really do wish that years ago I had set up my idea for a website to check with ex's about their ex's. I wanted to call it the "EX Files "and have people register their ex's names along with pertinent information for the next man or woman to be aware of.
I certainly would have been saved some time and emotional distress if I had been able to talk to some ex's BEFORE I dated their former lovers, boyfriends, husbands.

I'm sure men would find such information helpful as well.
Now I know their is a similar website but not in quite the same form or finesse as I would have set up mine.

Why? Just to save us all some grief from the dishonesty.

Who do we think we are lying to any way and what for?

In time it always ALL comes out and when it does there is no basis for a relationship or even a friendship. You can't be a real friend and be dishonest.
What's the point?

Some day I will write down all the lies, or exaggerations I have been told on first meetings, and /or dates with men.

But I do have to be honest, on one particular night here in Phoenix my BFF and I decided to go to a different club then the one we normally frequent and check it out. No one knew us there and so we decided out of boredom to pretend we were something other then our true selves.

Have you ever done that.?

I don't remember it all too clearly now but I think we decided to tell new acquaintances that we were exotic dancers..you know, named "Misty" and "Bambi." lol
Sometimes the nights in Phoenix can get very dull.

Next time I think I'll chat up having a fortune. That seems to be even more popular in this depressed economy. How depressing...
I'll try it as a social experiment. I'll let a few people in on it and have them assist to get the rumor around the club that I have hidden wealth.
Betcha' I get more then one dinner invitation that night. Not just a promise for a booty call but for a real, "I'm willing to spend a little money on you" date.

Do I sound a bit jaded or just realistic to you?

The thing is though, I have this conflict about being true to my self and doing the right thing.

I can pretty much hear a lie as it comes out of a man's mouth. So why would I lower myself to play that game.... I don't know. Maybe it's because I have worked in professions all my life where reading peoples feelings and not necessarily their words meant succeeding or not.
Social experiments like books and movies that have great character development intrigue me.
Human nature intrigues me.

Sex, lies, and ?
So much of the time it is more about lies to get to the sex.

Now here's a another social experiment I would like to see. Just walk up to the person you are interested in, skip all the small talk and just come out with..."Hey, I'd like to fuck you."
You don't see or hear that very often in Phoenix.!

I miss New York City. ;-)
At least there people in social situations were a bit more forward and honest.
A one night stand was agreed on even before the clothes were off.
Nothing promised, nothing lost...
Honesty ... I miss that. But I suppose before we can have it we have to be honest with ourselves and know for sure what we want.
I'm beginning to know... it has changed with time. Once I know for sure I can put it out there.
Can you? Or is honesty too scary for you?

Does Size Matter?

Does Size Matter?

On the age old question "Does Size Matter?" lets size things up..literally.

I posed this important question to women, some of them total strangers others friends, and even,relatives.

My first thought and conversation about size began in college I think... first year... a party at my house when my parents were gone for the weekend. When the guys had left, the "girls" sat around the kitchen table discussing sexual experiences mostly with the only woman we knew who had had any, and admitted to it. We asked her.."So how big is a IT any way?".... And in describing its length AND its girth, a dimension none of the rest of us had yet even thought about, she finally asked for some coins. Yes, coins ! Carefully stacking half dollars to about six or seven inches on the table in front of all of us, she said, "There!" then she promptly added.."except maybe it should be the width of silver dollars."
“Silver dollars? Really?” I questioned, “That big?”
She was the most intelligent of us... all honors students she, effotlessly had the unbeatable grades, We had no reason to doubt her expertise on this matter..
I think of her now with love and remember times when she in the back seat of the car with some guy would not "put out" without a promise of an ankle bracelet. She had a few ankle bracelets. I had none at the time. All of us relied on her for our information.
And so the question arose, and it keeps on coming back to this day.

To be honest I do not believe I have ever discussed intimacies with a woman friend without IT coming up... Along with "Soooo how was IT?" is the question .."AND.." It is pretty much code that if it is not mentioned then her partner was not so well endowed or, perhaps, average.
But if he is more then ample she will ALWAYS speak of it proudly... well, except if she is a petite woman who finds a larger appendage uncomfortable to handle so to speak.
On the other hand,,,lol, I have had the experience of the so super sized that only part of it could get hard and of course XXXL is lost in translation because only so much pole can fit in the hole.

I have to speak to the women who were open to this survey, all agreed that politely as women when a man is not so large and seems insecure about this fact we often will reassure him...
"Oh, you're fine."
"Just the right size."
"I don't like it to be too big."
"Well, you know how to use what you've got."
"You may not be large but you are just right for me."
Now, sometimes we mean what we are saying, but much of the time we are being polite.
You see, of the women I asked," If you had a choice would you be with a guy with a small to average sized penis,or with a more amply endowed man? " The women all, but one said BIGGER IS BETTER.

Now why is that?

It is because the female anatomy not only stretches out to accommodate size, it stretches out over time.
Let's tell it like it is. You can have had one child, a dozen or none and it is still over time ,even with kegels and thigh presses going to lose some muscle tone..
If you are lucky or on hormone replacement it may not lose its lubrication qualities,but the G spot and the clit and all the rest like the feel of fullness and friction and that means length and girth !

Worst experiences for most women is always the sexual chemistry and then the actual act of intercourse with a man who is far smaller then he sees himself and asks though he is the size of a stubby pencil... "Is IT big enough for you, honey..?" while the woman receiver is wondering ."Is he kidding? Where the hell is IT ?"

Now a well grown penis on the other hand offers the ability of every sexual position without too many contortions, and failures to launch.
It can go in front ways, on top, bottom, side ways, and from the rear successfully and it offers the satisfaction of a comforting fit, sometimes with full friction and vacuum like suction.
It may lead to some problems if the fit between man and woman is too perfect for the condom no matter how well placed to be lost in space so to speak... but as dangerous as this might be to the passing of sexually transmitted disease, the experience is UNFORGETTABLE..

Large penises or is the plural peni? definitely have the women's vote.

So what is large?
Don't tell me less then five inches erect and don't look at me if the girth is less then a quarter.

Do I sound harsh to men here?
Remember how many times you asked a woman her bra size or described her boobs to your buddy friends with cupped hand motions in front of your own chest, or compared a woman's chest to melons, usually cantaloupe.So please don't fain insult while reading this.
You,too have your preferences..though some men are satisfied with just a handful and others like them Jagunda ! (That's large melon size usually.)
Yes, you guys have your preferences too and women have been oh so careful over the years not to crush your egos when they find that they feel much like Samantha on the television series Sex And the City who finds herself in love with less then adequately sized James.
It just doesn't work.

Sure, sure a guy can be great with his tongue and with his fingers, but gentlemen and ladies I think you all would agree a great fit is even better, and better in this case is BIGGER.

Now the jury is still out and I can not insist that my non scientific survey is the be all and end all answer to this question.
But remember guys,,, big trucks, and big bank accounts,,, really don't go as deep.

A woman won't toss a good man away if he is smaller in size, or just the average six inches.
Women are kind compassionate creatures who know what is important in their lives.
Being a gentlemen, being honest, reliable, and compassionate, a giving, caring, humorous chap can go a long way. But if you are strutting around scowling at the attractive women who smile at you, holding out for the perfect Barbie, or even if you just want your woman whatever she looks like to be happy... equality in all the rooms in the house helps a lot as foreplay.
And if not you better know what you've got and how to use it.


The women I spoke to for the most part were adamant that they were tired of being judged superficially by men who when push came to shove didn't want to "share" in the work of the relationship and figured 4 inches in quarters was just dandy as long as it got hard.

Sorry guys... the consensus is that size does count.

Women won't measure your manhood by it if you compensate by being a man in other ways,
but immature boys of all ages need to SIZE UP.

Remember LIFE IS GOOD and sex is better when it's bigger.

Comments please.