Is It Just About Sales and Marketing?

So many websites so little time.
Look at Twitter and you are bombarded by sales and marketing pitches. Examples aren't necessary for Tweeters, you all know what I mean.

Then there are the dating websites where one puts their profile, face and some sort of "name" to lure the reader to check them out, send them an email, or in some cases a "wink." All the hopes of finding true love.
You open an email to find, "John has sent you a wink."
Well, I don't know about you but "WHOOPIE!" I am not much impressed.
Was John too afraid or too busy to send a few words of personal introduction?

No phone numbers are posted on these sites so as to "protect" the users. But later in email contacts they are exchanged as they are in clubs, and gas stations, and super markets, and hardware stores around town. Wherever men and women meet, numbers are exchanged and then the intensified sales and marketing begins.
Now, when did we stop being real?
When I sold cars years ago I was taught the term..L T D. No, not the car model... The manager in a sales meeting said, "The first rule of selling successfully is Lies, Trickery and Deceit." I will never forget that. I was appalled then, but I wonder now does this apply to the social/dating scene?

I've noticed that most profiles indicate that men are fit "athletic" discerning guys who don't ever watch television and don't "do the club" scene. Also that often pictures are many years old.
First: So how is it that television shows get such high ratings? And how is it that in conversation everyone knows at least what the show "LOST" is, and who Barbara Walters is interviewing this week.
And, Second: who are all those people who are greasing the palms of club owners across the country even through this rough economy?
I don't mean to imply that either of these things are negative, but why do people feel the need to lie about them?
It seems the sales and marketing pitch facade excludes these things,least a man or woman be judged a lazy boob tube junky.
Third: Why put a really old picture when you do hope to eventually meet in person.
I have had the experience and many of you had to when meeting in person of thinking," Who the hell is this person?

Sitting across from someone on a first, second or even third date getting through to the essence of their being is sometimes a chore. I admit it myself. I do a sort of interview process. Is it because I worked in business for so long? Is it because I feel I need to time manage and to be cost efficient? Time is money, right?

I'm not so sure what women use as their marketing tools. I know that sounds ridiculous as I am a woman, but except for dressing provocatively and portraying themselves as women in distress needing rescuing or so super independent that they don't need a man, I am not sure what else women do..most I have met are far more humble and honest and then men I think.
Are men just a bit more insecure or is it because they have been in the business world too long and their mind set is pressure sell or market gently but put the agenda out there and get to the goal of the meeting.
I admit to being flirtatious but,personally, I will tell you anything about myself if you ask except for my true age and weight. On all other topics I am completely honest and straight forward. Why, because I want to KNOW you, truly KNOW who you really are.
Now from men I get this type of conversation.
" Hi, I'm James... What's your name? Nice to meet you yada yada.. the "come here often?" Or "I've seen you here before haven't I ?" standard opening lines.
That's fine.

Then the conversation moves on depending on the man into a few different categories.
They begin to sell themselves with their wares.
"I live on Snob Hill. Of course that's only one of my homes, I have one in the Carribean too, and one on the Mediteranian. I didn't take the mercedes tonite, or the old classic, I'm riding my BMW bike. Wanna see it? Take a ride, go home with me or can I follow you home?"

Now in between this sales pitch there may be some small talk. Perhaps a question or two about you. But mostly it is focused marketing. From the man's prospective it is to make the point: Who I am is what I own and you can have have a taste, if I can have a taste of you, literally.

Or there is the big time positive opener whose close ends the same as the above...

"Wanna come home with me or can I follow you home?"

But this pitch is a bit different.

Here's my number call me if you don't find what you NEED. The implication very overt. A half hour soliloquy about what kind of a man he thinks he is.

"You don't know me yet,but I am the best lover you'll ever have. I love to please a woman. Making a woman cum is my only goal in life. I have a great tongue. I always give more then I expect back. You have never seen or felt a dick like mine. I could burn a whole in the mattress with you. I am always on fire and the true energizer bunny."
Come on now ladies, tell me you haven't heard this before!

There is shy guy "I don't meet many women.", and there is married guy "we live together still I love her but there is no sex." There is I work so hard guy "I don't have time to date or take you to dinner but can I follow you home?" There is sports guy,"I'm always on the field or course, or watching or coaching games,so I just don't have the time for a relationship."
But yet, and still each one of these men has a sales and marketing pitch to cut to the chase so to speak.

Some time ago when I did massage for a few years, I met men from all over the country, with varying occupations and marital status. Why is it that in all that time I only had one man say simply "That was a great massage." But ALWAYS, no matter what their age, or social status, they would say.. "Hey do you ever do anything MORE? An
attractive woman like you is difficult to walk away from and I just don't seem to "relax" enough. I'd pay you extra if only you would let me... "

Doctors, lawyers, musicians, athletes, from football players to golfers, from bankers to construction workers ... from 25 - 75,,, not one man missed an opportunity to pick his head up during the massage and mention some bit of information about himself that might close the sale except for one.

I have been told I am jaded in my thinking and that I just am meeting the wrong men in the wrong places. Reread above,please. I don't think so.

Some of these are great men, wonderful men, some of them exceptional human beings who were both gifted and humanitarian,,,who, like many women, seem to find ourselves allowing our people skills to become more fragmented and evolved into what we can use to "sell" ourselves to others. The EGO as Ekhardt Tolle discusses in his books has become so large we forget about the inner qualities that truly make up who and what we are.
Our real identities are only tentatively exposed because we have come to value things, and looks more then we value heart and passion for life not just passion in the bedroom.

I have seen this economy do many devastating things to families, taking away jobs and homes etc. Yet I have also observed a freshness in some of my conversations with new acquaintances. I think people are beginning to be forced to reevaluate their true identity. Ego is beginning to fall away and with less materialism to feed ego we are beginning to give more sincerely of what we truly do have. It doesn't have to be sold or marketed, it just IS. Pure and simplistic self of mind,heart,values, and ethics that does not begin with "this is what I own," or "this is how great I am in bed."
It begins with a sincere, "Hi"... "how are you doing?' It is filled not with "Fluff" but with the real substance of who we are and connections that evolve from sharing experiences, successes and losses, and something deeper then electronic "winks."
The admission that sometimes I lay on my couch with my favorite snack and get lost in the world of entertainment provided to me on a square box or flat screen in HD or not.

Can we learn to leave the sales and marketing at the office and just "BE."

Will we finally come to realize that we don't have to SELL or Market ourselves?

Will we finally be content in the knowledge that our TRUE SELF,,, is more then enough?

Keep Making Memories! Life IS GOOD!

Joseph Campbell

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
—Joseph Campbell

He's Just Not That Into You/She's Just Not That Into You

He’s Just Not That Into You .... She’s Just Not That Into You
SO ... Why Do We Sometimes Act Like Social Idiots ?

After my last night out with friends I had to include this here for all of you to enjoy a laugh not just at me but perhaps with me and others you know,and even your self.

Once again out at the usual club with the not so usual suspects, I woke up this morning in bed alone. I hadn’t gotten “lucky”. Sometimes that happens.

Though some nights I just have a good time I actually did find myself last night zeroing in on one particular individual with whom I had previously enjoyed a sort of date, that is, drinks and conversation.
I would begin here to describe this fabulous specimen of a man, but I would be too wordy and bore you.I was also reminded by my bff this morning that “beauty is in the eye” and she didn’t think he was all that.

I could have spent way more time then I did glancing over at him, making eye contact, chatting and even begging the man to dance with me. Yes I did say begging...
I do remember saying something to him about the song the band was playing being my favorite, Alicia Keys... "If I Ain't Got You" and telling him he must dance with me, he could not say no, and something like” I'm begging” or “Please don’t make me beg.” came out of my mouth.
Ahhh crap, now THAT is embarrassing to admit!
Now for a brief history this man has already demonstrated clearly on two or three separate occasions that he is JUST NOT THAT INTO ME.
As I have said I am a mature woman with my share of experience.
I knew that it was a total waste of time and sheer stupidity to pursue even a one night stand with this hunk of heaven. But in a slightly altered state of mind last night, pursue his ass I did.

I did not go so far as to invite him home, but in “begging” him to dance with me. OMG ! My stomach does flips when I think about it even after twenty four hours.
I picture myself from a sort of aerial view watching my self go through this pathetic invitation to simply move to music with this man on the dance floor.

Do I sound needy, desperate, psycho ...? All of the above?

Before you judge though I ask you this. Can you , have you imagined or had a moment when you KNEW you had gone WAY OVERBOARD in your advances of some beautiful person who had absolutely no interest in you and never would ? Is it courage or fear that brings us to this place?
I am an optimist and a believer in hope and in miracles... so I took the leap.

I submit to you that all of us who go to clubs, club stalk people often enough that we find ourselves laying in bed that night wondering “what the hell was I thinking?”
Overt flirting, club stalking and other idiotic behavior is common even among those of us who are “mature,” And/ or “otherwise successful” and :Independent”.
We see something, someone we want and we may either turn into babbling idiots, or needy five year olds.
Yes, I think even MR. KOOL the man I was pursuing last night has probably had his moments of club rejection. Even the best of us has been politely avoided, or overtly ignored despite our pursuits.
Whether it be the sexy bartender or the one who looks like surfer boy, or the distinguished gentlemen in the corner or the man sitting at the end of the bar alone, the traps are there and we fall right into them. Sure we all have our own forms that attract us.
I have had men drool over my boobs, my ass, my hair, my neck, and even my thick ankles!
Now, the fat ankle thing was a real surprise but it IS true.!

And , you ? Who have you focused in on... blond Barbie, or a sultry brunette, plumb and sweet or thin and fit ? I know you have been there right where I was last night. Maybe not so far as to have butterflies in your stomach but a definite magnetic attraction to the person in front of you or across the room. Maybe you haven’t even heard their voice but all the other people in that place in that time fad into a fog and it is just the two of you exchanging tentative glances and then it begins. The well thought out strategy or the spontaneous” oh well what the heck, I’m going for it! “

What is IT?... that chemical reaction that causes this attraction?? You are not quite sure but you very definitely have to go there. What is it that they say in twelve steps meetings.?.. you have a “BURNING DESIRE !?”
It is an itch that must be scratched, a treat that must be reached for.

Mine last night was a handsome,well educated,polite, intelligent man who has a smile you could die for and skin you want to lick because it has to be the sweetest you ever could imagine.

So on the dance floor and later in a good bye conversation when I decided I MUST return to acting somewhat normal because I was getting no where, I gently kissed him on the side of his neck under his ear..to me the sexiest part of any mans body, and told him to have a good golf game this morning. You see he had used his early tee time as an excuse to gently blow me off.
I was not devastated only disappointed. I had been luckier when I was younger and had lived through only a couple of rejections always to move on to someone, something, even more wonderful...

So why is it that we act like idiots for the object of our affections?

Male or female you have all done it at least once and I would guess a lot more.
There are stranger, stupider acts that follow break ups, but the Club stalking, flirtatious, behavior that can get really be annoying to someone who isn’t interested in us at all, is a matter to be looked at,studied and since it is just plain human nature laughed at over and over again.

SO I hope that my Mr.McDreamy last night forgives me,feeds his ego with my compliments to him, and my naiveté, if you can call it that, and that all the men who have fallen all over me relax in the thought that I too have made an idiot of myself in front of someone and was, politely, this time, sent away alone. It’s all in the game. It is all part of the social scene in the past, now, and probably will be forever and always."He’s Just Not That Into You," isn’t a new concept. We are simply becoming more aware.
You may be a yummy butter pecan and your special Mc Dreamy prefers sumptuous chocolate. It doesn’t make butter pecan any less delicious.
It is all a matter of taste after all.
Though some of us have less experience with rejection then others, we have all been there.
Don’t ask "why?"Just remember there is another bus coming down the road. You just can’t see it yet. Magic is moments away. Get out there and dance. Life IS Good !

Erotica II: Each Time It Was New

You held me gently to your lips.
I could feel your tongue circularly searching my nipple.
And then you began to suck.
I felt my nipples hardened,my breasts swell,
And I began to writhe up and down against your strong,hard body.
I was wet now
But you had not noticed,only hoped,
as you continued to pleasure one breast then the other.
I felt your teeth gently pull at me
Then your lips move down,slowly to my stomach first and then to my thighs.
Teasing me to motion and moisture,
You were good...
You made me come out.
You fingered and kissed me until I could bear it no more.
Then like before you took me up and plunged forward inside me,
Until my muscles rippled hard and wet around you,
holding you until you too felt my pleasure in loving you.
You moaned.
I whimpered.
We lay together motionless for a time,
Until we kissed again like before.
It was all like before,
But each time it was new.

Create the BUZZ. Share a comment !

If you are returning here or new to this site,please let me encourage you to leave a comment.
Whether positive or negative I hope you will be uninhibited in sharing your thoughts and feelings.


“ Easy ? You men have no idea what we are dealing with down there. Teeth placement,jaw stress and suction and gag reflex and all that while bobbing up and down moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy ? ? ? Honey ... they don’t call it a job for nothin’ ! “
Samantha (Sex and The City)

Is It Time For Viagra ?

In a society filled with all kinds of magic little pills to cure just about anything,side effects aside,of course. I picked up some years ago a whimsical clock which I hung in my kitchen. It is round, neon blue, and keeps very accurate time. The arrows point straight up when they are suppose to with little replicas of that little blue pill on the hands of the clock.
Around it's outside border it asks,"Is It Time For Viagra?"
And so I begin my story of what I, with compassion, call my night with "wet noodle man."
I know, I know... I really shouldn't! But I have to share this experience with all of you both men and women.
The clock I described has been there for a few years now and when noticed gets a chuckle. I had almost forgotten about its cute little marketing logo until one night a month or so ago.
As I have mentioned it seems to me that I am more drawn to younger men and them to me. But after some self analysis I decided to really figure out why that was. I have a nurturing nature and though I admit to having times of being "needy," for the most part I am a strong woman.
I don't like to be controlled. I don't like to control except in some situations which both my kids can very vehemently list for you. I admit to sometimes being a hovering overbearing mama bear type with my kids. I am divorced from their father after all. He distanced himself from them, and the rest of their relatives have died. So, yes, I tend to be too mothering. But I digress.
On the contrary, with men I like the equal partner idea. In fact sometimes I prefer that the man in my life make more of the decisions with some input on my part. And because my older brother was the most influential male figure in my life, I think I tend to look for qualities in a man that remind me of him.He was always lovingly positive with me,compassionate, understanding and had a vibrant passion for life.
My father,on the other hand, was very withdrawn, and stoic in nature. He evoked fear mostly. Though we as his children all loved so many of the qualities of my father's character. SO to get to the point, I decided to make an effort to date more "age appropriate" men. I wanted to prove to myself, I think, that there was nothing really wrong with my psyche. That my choices were pure of heart and not derived from the fear of being over controlled, losing my identity to a man closer to my own age.
I met M on a dating website that was free to women.
Why not? Post a picture and a profile then scroll through online profiles looking for people of common interests and like mindedness. M's picture portrayed a man who seemed confident in stature and demeanor,well dressed and still looking well for his years. I found his picture and his smile appealing. His profile didn't go off on a wild tangent about owning half of the Roman Empire and driving a Lamborghini and a Mercedes. It didn't mention his distaste for his ex-wife or list one hundred and one things he was looking for in a woman. He didn't seem to be looking for Barbie and his interests of music,travel,nature, with no drama, were reassuring. He had been married and divorced with kids, so no fear of commitment as he did state he was very much involved still in his kids lives. They were both in college. He didn't list as his idea of travel a trip to the lake with his dingy, or four wheeler and a six pack as his weekend diversion,,, not that there is anything wrong with that, ;-) just not my idea of travel.
So when I noticed he had listed me as a "favorite" which those of you who know Internet dating is a sign that he had marked my profile to his little black book but had not contacted me. So he was showing interest but hadn't yet had the balls to really write or even wink ;-) to me..or maybe he was just getting out of a relationship and fantasizing or just using my picture as a visual stimulus for self pleasuring.
I decided to think the better of him and send him an email. He responded and quickly commented that he would like to chat on the phone. After a few conversations during which he answered my subtly investigative security check questions without a glitch, I decided to meet him for in public for a drink.
He was as his picture had portrayed an attractive man. Our conversation flowed. He didn't order too many drinks and get totally inebriated. On the down side, he never asked if I would like an appetizer or another drink, I had to ask for another drink myself but he insisted that the waitress bring out the "FREE" chips. He asked first to make sure that they were in fact "free." He was otherwise respectful and polite to me and to the waitress, and with two kids in college and just a first meeting I over looked the "free chips only" thing. Maybe I was desperate to make age appropriate man thing work.
He walked me to my car, and deciding that this might be a man I would like to date and get to know better, I did not put myself out there in any overtly flirtatious way.
I was a lady. Cool, calm and collected, I said a sweet "good night" and told him that I would look forward to hearing from him when he promised to call.
There seemed to be a mutual attraction on some level. On my way home I made the usual call to my bff to give her the details. It was all positive.
After a few days,,, the three day rule apparently applied with this man, he asked where I would like to go to dinner. Suggesting that I choose a favorite and "romantic" place to sit and chat over a glass of wine or drinks. Bingo! There was an attraction, or at least he was willing to put in an effort to get laid.
Nice though, I thought. Once again keeping in mind that the man was supporting two college age kids I immediately went from the 4 star list to something less pricey. But when he then insisted that he would "surprise" me. I was even more delighted. Most women, at least this woman enjoys surprises of this kind so I left the restaurant choice to him, and because I knew him only a short time and he was dropping his kids at the airport told him I would meet him wherever. His choice was one of my favorite resorts, and a restaurant I had been to once or twice before for brunch and lunch.
I dressed appropriately in a not too short black pencil skirt and a rather conservative but very feminine flowing blouse from The White and Black Store. I applauded myself on the way to meet him, I was finally,,, finally dating a man close to my age who was interesting, charming and with whom I felt I had some chemistry.
I arrived and valet parked as is usually my habit when it is dark and the walk from the parking lot in the dark is less safe. Walking into the lobby and down the stairs of the lush Hyatt property, I felt very much like a woman who had over come her apprehensions and was ready to meet a man who might turn out to be more then casual fun. I felt good.
Sometimes things aren't what they seem.
As I glanced through the restaurant and all its tables inside and out, I didn't see him. Perhaps I was early. Looking at my watch, no, I was a few minutes late. Maybe he was late, the airport and all. I chose to use my cell phone to call him.
"Hi,I've just arrived are you here yet? I've looked and I don't see you."
Reply: "Yes, I am here and after all the trouble I've gone through to pick this place you can try harder to find me!"
Whoops! HMMMM.... OOOOOKAY....so I thought at first that he was kidding,that his abrupt tone was a joke.At least I was still hopeful.
"OK," I said, "well if you give me a clue I'll find you faster."
"I'm on the out most patio." he said." Look and you'll find me."

It was a beautiful night and a beautiful place. The Hyatt at Gainey has a tropical feel and in the cool evening air with the scent of fresh flowers I wasn't going to let his "joke" worry me. He had been interesting, personable. Let it go, I told myself.
As I approached him he seemed to hold back a smile, kissed me lightly on the cheek. I told him that he looked handsome and he didn't say anything.
Perhaps the kids I thought.
We were shown to our table and the conversation seemed labored. He wasn't drinking. He announced that he had gone to one of the clubs I had mentioned I sometimes went to the night before looking for me, but I wasn't there. He had drank too much there and was not going to drink at all tonight. Darn... A drink might have chilled him out.
When I reminded him that I had told him I was visiting my female friend that night to watch a chick flick he scowled.
OK... then !!! Well !!!
Then to my amazement he looked up at me and asked,"So are we seeing each other exclusively now?"
Turning a whiter shade of pale,I'm sure, I cleared my throat and said."How could we be seeing each other exclusively when I have only known you, actually had conversation with you face to face for about 2 and half hours?"
His response," Well I hope you know I don't take everyone here. In fact, have you been here before because I have never brought anyone here and I have never come here on my own."
"Well, yes."
I explained how it was a favorite place of mine and though not every week but at least often enough I had come with friends, alone and once on a date for brunch. I thanked him for making such a thoughtful choice.
At this point his phone rang, and saying it was his ex he picked it up,somewhere in the middle of a long conversation with her, I excused myself to the ladies room to give him some privacy.
I took a long time. He was still on the phone when I returned. Then said good bye to her and turned to me with no apology... "Let's go for a walk."
The walk led to a bridge overlooking the lawn and the pool area. The lighting was soft, the stars out.
I wanted to go home.
Now here is where I was very stupid. I was horny and I was annoyed. I no longer wanted to date men my age...EVER ! He was a jack ass. I had asked all the appropriate "Is everything, OK?" trying to figure out his mood and trying very hard to find excuses for his rude behavior. Oh, did I mention when the bill came he let me know it was more expensive then he had expected, and my dinner was the reason. He had had a dinner salad, all he would ever eat in a "place like that."
Lord help me.!
But right there on that bridge as he pulled me into him telling me what great tits he imagined I had, I decided I was going to sleep with him and then toss him back.
I am not always the brightest or wisest woman around.
I wanted to get laid. He was there and I was going to get what I wanted.

OK so, here's where the calculating ,mind of a woman clicks in.

I press my body against his but feeling nothing, I ran his hand down the front of my blouse and then up my thigh but ruthlessly stop him midway to paradise.
I whisper in his ear that I had forgotten to put my panties on and after all we can't do IT here. He invited me to his home.
A modest but nicely decorated place in the McDowell Mountains, it takes me one sip of a drink and about five minutes to get him into the bedroom. The button of my blouse strategically unbuttoned as he poured the drink.
He quickly began explaining about how he had "problems" and would never be able to keep a woman like myself satisfied. I didn't say a word because he rushed to lick my thighs and then finding his way quickly to my clitoris he began to lick and suck with great joy and enthusiasm. I rewarded him with verbal praise then begged to get my hand on his cock. And there it was,,, small,and limp.
OK so he needs more stimulation no problem,,, lick it, suck it, talk dirty to him, reassure him. NOTHING.
Hey, it's OK these things happen.
"No," he said, "this happens to me all the time. This is how I am. This is what happens. I can't get it hard."
I had not had an orgasm, though he had gotten me close with his tongue.He obviously was not having anything, except some pleasure in my naked top and my skirt pulled up to my waist. Staring down at me he repeated "I cannot ever have a woman like you."
Now despite his previous behavior at the resort, I began to feel sorry for the man. And sorry is not a good thing to feel when you are in bed with someone.
I kissed his forehead gently,stroked his hair and told him, " Look I don't mean to insult you but you obviously are struggling with this, have you asked your doc about Viagra?" "Yes," he replied..."It's just NOT the right time."
NO SERIOUSLY that's what he said.
"Right time???" I questioned.
"Yes" he said," I won't take that until I am much older. It's not the right time for VIAGRA."
M rubbed as hard as he could against me. He even tried to have me help him to get that now wet, limp, thing into me.
It was like trying to get a wet noodle into the neck of a wine bottle. As much as you try, it just ain't happening!
I left M's house that night,quietly, trying not be rude and rush out the door.
All I thought about for weeks was that limp noodle and my throbbing vagina waiting, hoping beyond hope that by some miracle,,,some little blue miracle pill,perhaps it could work.
But, it just wasn't time for Viagra.
I believe we all have our own process, and it is not my place to try to change a man in any way. I wish M well, despite his rude behavior and inappropriate assumption that relationships become exclusive in under 3 hours. I have run into him twice but we have not spoken.I did not want to embarrass him further.He is not a bad human being. But I say this with encouragement for anyone reading this ever having a similar circumstance. ASK your doctor... maybe it IS time for Viagra.!
And to the women who have been similarly frustrated... My relief came not with my hand held shower massage, but with the very next man who I invited to share my bed.
Everything worked exceptionally well... the memory of "wet noodle man" faded, and I was smiling again, especially when I look up in my kitchen at my clock with its little blue pill hands and straight up arrows.
Life is funny. Life is GOOD !

From Deepak Chopra

In each moment, we have a choice: We can dive in and embrace the unknown – or we can constrict with fear, refusing to discover new possibilities. Deepak Chopra

THE MARKET IS CHANGING

THE MARKET IS Changing


You’ve probably begun to notice it ,too. As I’ve stated. I’m no expert, just another observer. I do make an effort to ease drop on conversations at clubs and,of course, listen attentively to my own friends who are discussing how their love life is affected by the down turned economy.

Stress is way up, of course. Even for the wealthy among us stocks,money markets and 401 Ks took a hit.
How does this play out in the social scene?

Recently while enjoying an exceptional sexual encounter with a younger man, in the midst of our breather,he announced,to make himself clear, that he was looking for a girlfriend and more.
“What are you talking about?” I asked. “Friends with benefits? Even a relationship is not that difficult to find, at least I haven’t found it so, have you.?”
“No, not just that,” he replied, as he glanced around my bedroom. “ I kinda want to settle in.”
“Aren’t you settled in your own place?” I asked.
“Not really, I want to move in with a woman who is already settled in to her space, like a house.”
DING! The bells and whistles went off. Were my assets being accessed?

“Did you plan on her supporting you, or the other way around?” I asked bluntly.

“No, no... don’t misunderstand me,” he protested,. “just cohabiting,having sex and splitting the bills,you know. Dating is getting pretty expensive.”

And so there it was.

I throughout my dating years have met,socialized and dated men who have been younger, older and anywhere in between, but had never heard this proposal made in such a clear and succinct manner.

Did I tell you this was my first date with this 36 year old man?

Now, I know you are thinking, well of course, that’s what he was looking for. What are you totally stupid? He younger, you older...the cougar and his target sugar mama....

Well, to be clear myself, I had NEVER been in this space before.

I have no doubt that this good looking,well built,well hung young gentleman will find his way into some woman’s home in no time flat. In fact I even offered him helpful pointers as to how to make a home for himself with a woman already financially secure.

Then I began to think and listen more and observe more closely everywhere I went.

Older men ( and men my own age) are no longer just looking for the cute,trophy wife. She now has to have more then looks. She too, has to have a means of supporting herself. Otherwise “OUCH!” it hurts them in the only place that really, really concerns some men...their wallet.
In this economy even the most successful man is fearful when he sees his future assets decline. Men’s DNA includes some form of competitive drive toward success and masculine prowess in the bedroom and in their bank account.
Beside that in both genders,the comforts of fine living are difficult to give up.
In this economy,men seem to be talking about staying married for “financial reasons” more then ever before. Or if they feel they have already lost it all, they are taking this opportunity to walk away from their marriages. If their income is low so will their child support and alimony payments be.

Women with moderate incomes stand less of chance of finding a husband then woman with money do.

And, I don’t know about you but from what I have seen 20 and 30 year olds aren’t moving toward marriage unless there is a baby on the way. Indicating, I think that young men are securing their social freedom and their financial assets.

Perhaps it is now, in this economy ,less about fear of commitment as it is about fear of splitting the pay check.

While young women in relationships are pressuring boyfriends to move in to share expenses, and wiser young men are taking them up on their offers,,, or ultimatums....whichever way it is presented to them.
Save on date money,save on gas, split the rent and utilities, share a shower...;-) It all seems to be about “saving cash,” and maybe not so much about Love for the sake of loving.

Now before I go on I do want to address this cougar thing one more time.

As described in the above scenario, I was not the one being forward in this interaction. I was NOT the huntress..He was not the prey. As a matter of fact it was completely opposite.
This guy had already been married and divorced and had had two kids and was obviously in a financial hole from all that was required of him financially ie: child support and alimony.

He was thinking quite strategically when he approached ME that night at a club in an upscale side of town. I had no fantasy about the “romance”.
He was good looking,charming,intelligent enough and there was for me an immediate attraction so why not try him out?

Take him home and keep him? No.

I had had my share of younger men and so there was no need to boost ego. I do very much enjoy younger men, even perhaps prefer them,but mostly because they, for the most part, seem more attentive, light hearted, less controlling,can do their own laundry and cooking,can be extremely perceptive, and communicate more openly because they feel “safer” to do so with an older woman. She isn’t going to get pregnant , or ask to get married. She has already been there and done that. So there is little pressure between the two.

The other obvious advantage is that younger men can keep up sexually. Sure Viagra works for those over 50 men who aren’t afraid to take it... but there is a certain energy lacking if not aesthetics itself when laying in bed with a younger man whose erection is never ending, whose energy and laughter are spontaneous and genuine. While the 50 something guy is afraid you might want MORE..more of a relationship, more of his time, more of his money and even a relationship and marriage. The mature man may be sexually free but emotionally he is usually emotionally detaching as soon as he has hung around for a bit too long.

The younger man has no qualms about making clear that he wants your company, and sex with you without the pressure of commitment.
In some cases, he may and you may eventually commit to each other. This may happen with more frequency as society accepts that, YES, older women have the same “rights” to date younger men as older men have to date younger women.

As for me,I am somewhat old fashion... and I am not wealthy. I choose not to support the men in my life of ANY age. I am independent and expect them to be so,too.

So I may have to let this particular 36 year old find his sugar mama and just enjoy his endless erections until he finds her.

There is no better evening then dinner and drinks and a man who is able to first stimulate your mind and then be more then willing to find every part of your body that stimulates you.,.to linger there and to cum inside you, remain erect and lying there on top of you or beside you, or behind you still inside you while orgasmic muscle spasms slow to a stop and then you begin once again to caress his hard cock inside you and he begins once again to move silently at first into the next erotic movements that lead to another orgasmic wonder.*
* (Now that was a run on sentence that seemed worth the grammatical faux pas)

And then when you are both fully spent.... completely exhausted. You can remind him that it is an early day for YOU tomorrow and that he needs to get his pants on and go.

There may be a man someday who will really GET ME and who will stay.
It would be a much smarter financial plan. In this down market I really should give it more serious consideration. Seems many people are.
Perhaps, just perhaps when I get a little bit more entranced by some man’s smile. But for now, I think I am becoming a man in a woman’s body.
This economy has not yet changed that for me.
It seems that those flirtatious men who are my pleasurable torment are taken and not likely to be free until the economy improves.
So I live with my diversions. Good people,good times,developing friendships, laughter that is light and non committal... and still enjoying society’s illusion that I am the cougar when in fact it is still the man who is the hunter and I submit to being his prey.
It’s a hard role to play,but some body has to do it.! ;-)
Life is good!